“The worms were a knee-jerk reaction because I didn’t know how to deal with the horror of what had happened. And then you told me that you didn’t think of me that way! The boat tipping over was a welcome reprieve.” She wished he’d stop looking at her with those doe eyes. She wished she could sweep the whole debacle under the rug again. It was time for some backpedaling. “But it’s all water under the bridge…kids’ stuff.”
“Hold on…” Ryan was suddenly serious. “Is that why we stopped hanging out?”
She shrugged. Apparently, this wasn’t going back under the rug. “One of the reasons.” She sighed and went on, “I couldn’t face the idea that you might go off and tell your stupid other friends. I thought you’d all be laughing at me.”
“Oh, Fred, I never would have. I can’t believe you had such a low opinion of me.”
“We never discussed it, and so it felt like it was always hanging there between us, like this big banner readingI fancy you, but you don’t fancy me. It was too humiliating,” she said, brushing sand off her hands, which was something of a lost cause when sitting in a sandpit.
“Is it too late to say I’m sorry?” he asked. His expression was pitifully contrite, which made her feel embarrassed all over again.
Eurgh! She had never wanted his sympathy. Ryan was too kind for his own good, exactly the type of person who would date someone because he felt sorry for them.
“You don’t need to apologize for not fancying me. That’s not a personal failing, it’s chemistry or love maths or something; you can’t force something that isn’t there.” Now she was feeling bad forhim, how hadthathappened?
Ryan looked down at the contents of their time capsule spread out in the cold sand.
“Fred, I was sixteen, I thought mooning people through the window of the school bus was cool. You wanted to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer and—paradoxically, I might add—had posters of Louis fromInterview with the Vampireall over your walls. What we thought and did when we were sixteen doesn’t define us forever. And if it does, then we’re both screwed.” He let out a long breath. “Just know that what I said then, I wouldn’t say now.”
“What are you saying to me?” she asked, confusion etched on her face.
He looked up then and gave her the Ryan Frost special; the smile that had caused teachers to rethink their detention threats and ensured that he was always given the largest cream bun at the bakery. It was like a choir of goddamn angels leaned out of the clouds and started singing, and Fred got the full force of it.
“Do you honestly think I usually hand deliver that much coffee to your house?” he asked. “You haven’t exactly bombarded me with invites, so I’ve been making excuses to see you. Because ever since you wrestled me to the ground on Krampus Night, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
What in theLove Actuallyis happening?Fred’s brain was having trouble computing this new information, after years of carrying around the certainty that he didn’t think of her in that way.
“So, just to be clear, you’re saying…what are you saying?” Ryan Frost, her childhood bestie, now an extremely handsome coffee roaster, appeared to be saying very romantic things to her in a sandpit in the dark and making her stomach feel decidedly wibbly.Holy jingle bells!If he was intimating what she thought he was, then she needed to hear the words out loud before she could believe them.
He laughed. “I’m saying Ilike youlike you, Fred.”
Ryan Frost likes me?Nope, even hearing them out loud she couldn’t believe them.
“You do?” she asked, incredulous. “Like…youlike melike me?”
He nodded, smiling shyly, and then he gazed into her eyes and said, “Very much.”
That’s it! I’m done! Ryan Frost likes me.
With Fred seemingly incapable of coherent speech right then, Ryan continued, “And I know you’ve got this thing going on with Warren, and maybe it isn’t fair of me to dumpthis on you, but if there’s a chance that you mightlike melike me, too, then telling you how I feel is the right thing to do.”
“I see.” Her calm words belied the illegal rave that was happening beneath the surface.Ryan likes me, Ryan likes me, Ryan likes me!The words circled crazily in her brain, like a record on repeat, crowding out her other thoughts. She felt exhilarated and in a complete tizz all at once.
“What are you thinking?” asked Ryan, sounding less sure of himself.
Oh, this was a lot to deal with. She wasn’t sure she could cope with cute, cockyandtentative Ryan, all in one hit; she was only human for goodness’ sake!
“Many, many things,” she replied, truthfully.And none of them coherent,she thought to herself.
“Anything I can help with?” he asked, pinning her with those big brown eyes.
“Umm…”What would it feel like to kiss those lips?“No. No, thank you.”What would it feel like to be loved by Ryan Frost?She broke his gaze and stared into the hole in the sand, forcing thoughts of Ryan’s lips out of her head. “Can I have some time to think about this? I’m not saying I don’t feel the same way about you, it’s just unexpected.”
He smiled, relieved. “Take as much time as you need. There is zero pressure from me, I simply wanted to be honest with you. We don’t need another rowing boat misunderstanding.”
She laughed. “We don’t.”
“And if you decide that you don’t feel the same wayabout me, then I’ll never mention it again. I’m just happy to have my bestie back in town.”
