“Every single time I saw his stupid smug face,” Bella shot back. “I understand why you wanted to make it work with him. I know that it has a lot to do with my own dating history. Plus—you won’t want to hear this but I’m going to say it anyway—maybe you had some daddy issues?”
Fred made a retching sound but didn’t argue.
Bella continued. “But he was so wrong for you, darling, and you seemed to be the only one who couldn’t see it. I couldn’t bear him from the moment you introduced him. Eugh! Like a snake in a waistcoat.”
Fred laughed. “You never said.”
“Would you have listened?” Bella arched one eyebrow in challenge.
Fred shook her head, chuckling. “Absolutely not.”
“Well, then.”
Fred sighed. “Maybe you had the right idea all along; perhaps we’re just not cut out for settling down. Although Aunt Cam and Aunt Aggie seem to have managed it okay.”
“They’ll have been together sixty years in the spring,” Bella said, wistfully. “And for the record, I did want to settle down, it just didn’t work out that way. But you, don’t you dare say you’re not cut out for it! Of course you are, if that’swhat you want, you simply haven’t met anyone worth settling down with yet.”
A group of six shoppers crowded around the stall and the next few minutes were taken up with sales. Fred watched her mum talk the customers through her inspirations and the design process for the various patterns while they listened, rapt. She’d always admired her mother’s skill for expressing herself both verbally and through her art. That was what made Hallow-Hart Crackers special. They weren’t patterns generated by AI programs; they were works of art with human stories behind them. Once again, Fred’s mind intuitively wandered to that place of taglines and images, where threads of ideas spooled and twisted, and marketing strategies danced through her head.
“What about you?” Fred asked, when the shoppers had mooched away, swinging their paper bags of crackers. “It’s not too late for you; fifty-two is the new thirty-two, don’t you know…which would make me about fifteen,” she added as an aside. “Your soulmate could be out there waiting for you.”
“Pah! I haven’t dated anyone in almost four years.”
“What? You’re kidding!” Fred couldn’t hide her surprise.
Bella gave her a side-eye. “I kid you not.”
“What happened?”
Bella laughed. “Nothing happened. Don’t look so shocked. I’d always thought that if I kept my mind open to the possibility, then love would eventually find me. But it hasn’t. So, I gave it up.” Her expression became serious. “I know you didn’t approve of my life choices, but they were my choicesto make, and I won’t apologize for that, I won’t be shamed by anyone; I had enough of that from my father to last me two lifetimes. But I am sorry if it shaped your outlook on men negatively. That was never my intention.” She sighed. “I was so lonely, Fred, you can’t imagine.”
Fred felt the weight of her mum’s words like a pang of sadness. “I think maybe I can, now; I couldn’t then. I’m ashamed of the way I treated you. I can’t believe I slut-shamed my own mother—I had no right to be so disapproving, and I am sorry. I hate to think of you giving up on love.” She screwed her face up. “But you must admit that most of the men you dated were dickheads and losers.”
Bella nodded a somber acceptance. “On balance I’d say that is a fair assessment.”
“They didn’t deserve you. I was ten years old, and I could see it, and I never understood why you didn’t.”
Her mum let out a long sigh. “I was in a complicated place.”
“I guess partly I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough for you.” This rare confession made her feel exposed and she covered her emotional nakedness with another truth. “But mostly I just wanted you to be like all the other mums.”
Bella took her hand and squeezed it. “My darling girl. I hope you’re wise enough now to see that it was never thatyouweren’t enough. And as for the other mums, most of them had partners.”
“Not all of them.” She smiled mischievously. “But you were the only one who wore gold hot pants to Tesco.”
Bella snorted out a laugh. “Well, I had it and I wanted toflaunt it. I’m glad I made the most of my thighs when I could, because now they look like tapioca pudding.”
Fred pulled a face. “I hated having to share you with stupid men who thought they could woo you by being faux nice to me.Iwanted to be the apple of your eye.”
A woman in a parka jacket with the hood zipped up so high that her words were muffled, bought a box of crackers with cute mice nibbling Christmas puddings on them, and scurried away.
“Oh, sweetheart, you were the one and only apple of my eye.” Bella rubbed her temples. “Is that how you felt? Like you had to compete with my boyfriends?”
“Of course I did. Did you think I gave you a hard time because I was a prude?”
Bella pulled a face. “Well, you were always very disapproving, and you didn’t lose your virginity until you were nearly twenty…”
Fred sucked in an outraged breath, and laughed. “I had to wait until I’d left town because I was worried that I might end up losing it to someone my mum had already had sex with!”
