“But you could have sent a letter,” Ash pointed out.“Or had Briar or Delilah tell me.If you’d wanted to, you would have found a way.”
Kieran went quiet again.As much as he wanted to make another excuse, Ash was right.He’d been trying so hard to keep this under the rug that he hadn’t even considered finding a way to admit his mistake to Ash.
“Yeah,” Kieran finally admitted, voice thick.“I would have.But I was too much of a coward to admit I’d made such a big mistake.I thought if I could just fix it without your ever knowing, it wouldn’t be a big deal.That was wrong of me.”
Ash exhaled, seeming to mull over Kieran’s words.Faintly, he said, “Do you know how I found out?”
“Klaus told you?”
“No, actually.Which was part of why I was so surprised this afternoon when I felt the curse break.”
For a moment, so many emotions rushed through his mindat once that all Kieran felt was numb.He thought back to the poem he’d written weeks ago.It had highlighted his insecurity, his self-hatred—all of it.He’d just needed somewhere to put his worst thoughts, and it had manifested into the curse.
Those same thoughts he’d so fiercely rejected in his vision with Adelaide.
“I suppose you didn’t need a panacea after all,” Ash finally said after a long pause.
Kieran’s breath caught in his throat.This whole time, all he’d been focusing on was finding the panacea to fix his mistake.He hadn’t even considered trying to break the curse without one.That wouldn’t have worked to fulfill his Calling, so he’d put all his efforts into finding the panacea.
What had he written in that poem?
Maybe in a different time…
When I’m worthy of your tender heart,
When I’m confident, sure, and skilled,
You can see me again.
Huh.I guess I am a lot more confident now.
“I guess not.”Kieran twisted the phone cord around his finger, then untwisted it, trying to think of what to say.Finally, he settled on “Are you…angry?”
Ash hummed softly.Then, gently, he said, “It was an accident, wasn’t it?”
“Very much so,” Kieran confirmed, nodding even though he knew Ash couldn’t see him.“Aftermycurse?I would never,everdo that on purpose.I think that’s part of why I was so ashamed.I never wanted someone to have to deal with anything like that.The thought that I had done that to you, even accidentally, was probably the most horrified I’ve ever been with myself.”
“That’s…good to hear.And considering I didn’t even know I was cursed until it was broken, I suppose I really can’t be too mad.I only wish you’d told me.”
“You’re right.I should have found a way to.”Kieran sighed.“You know, I…I realize now I wasn’t a very good partner to you.Even before the curse.I think I was just so desperate for love that I didn’t want to let you go even when things weren’t working, you know?”
Ash was quiet at the end of the line.Kieran had spent night after night wondering where he was at with everything.Had Ash gone home and felt instant regret after that night downtown?Had he been relieved?Kieran had no way to tell.
Finally, Ash said, “I…think I was the same, honestly.And I still like you a lot, Kieran.Just…”
“Not as your partner?”Kieran guessed.“It’s okay, I feel the same way.Maybe…maybe we could agree to just be friends?”
This time, there was no hesitation on Ash’s end.“Yes—absolutely.When you get back, I’d love to hear about whatever it is you did to break the curse, and about your Calling too.It must have been quite an adventure so far.”
Kieran almost wanted to laugh.Ash didn’t know the half of it.“Maybe we can get coffee when I’m back in Gellingham?I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Yeah—that would be great.”Ash paused, then added, “I’m…really proud of you, Kieran.I hope that’s not weird to say.But you just sound…better, I guess.And I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.That means a lot.We’ll be in touch soon?”
“Sounds good.Good luck out there, Kier.Bye.”
“Bye, Ash.”
