Sebastian went on: “I think he had to admit to himself then that he was never going to have a traditional life.Not when the money was that good and he was that skilled at the work.As I grew up, he decided it was only fair to train me in the family business.
“Turned out I was just as good as he was.I could hit a bull’s-eye with a throwing knife by the time I was five.I took to it like I was made for it.The only problem was, I…”
He ran a hand through his hair, and for the first time, he coughed out a small laugh.It didn’t feel lighthearted by any means—more self-derisive, if anything.
“My father said I was too soft,” Sebastian finally admitted.“At thirteen, when I had my first kill, he found me crying afterward.I couldn’t stop seeing the blood on my hands even after I’d scrubbed it off and washed my skin raw.He told me I needed to learn to compartmentalize, to remember it was nothing but a job.Butat that point, it wasn’t just a job to me.I was a piece of metal my father had sharpened into the perfect knife.He taught me where to find the most tender, delicate parts of a person and how to carve the life out of them, just as most fathers teach their sons to catch a ball.I never had a chance at being anything other than that.
“It was stupid to think I could change my fate,” he said softly.His hands had begun to shake, and Kieran wondered if he could still see the crimson stains beneath his fingernails.“I’m still a knife.I was made to cut, to spill blood as quickly and efficiently as possible.There’s a certain irony in the fact that blood used to horrify me and now it’s one of the only things I think about.”
“Was…was it one of your targets who cursed you?”Kieran asked gingerly.
Sebastian shook his head.“No.Honestly, I would have preferred if it had been.It was…”
He trailed off.Kieran raised his eyebrows.
“Fuck it,” Sebastian muttered.When he next met Kieran’s eyes, it almost looked as though he was trying not to laugh.“You know what?I’ve gone this far—you might as well know.”
“My father died about a year ago,” he went on.“A job got away from him, and he wound up with a knife in his eye socket.My mother was already gone—she passed away from complications after my sister Lisha was born—so I had to start taking more jobs to support Lisha and my other sister, Mei.Each time I got one, I could feel myself just…dissociate.With every new kill, I felt a piece of myself die with them.I was miserable, but I had to keep doing it so my sisters had food on the table and a place to sleep.
“But then, around seven months ago, I was coming homefrom a job when I saw the police chasing this group through Shui City.One of them was a witch, and she did an incredible stunt—ledrith, I think?She was able to use magic to create dust clouds that completely threw off the police, and the whole group managed to get away.I was so impressed that she could do that without hurting them, it got me thinking how much easier life would be if I had been born a witch.So between jobs, I started researching more about witches.Specifically, how to become one.”
Something about that story tickled a memory in Kieran’s mind, but he decided not to bring it up now.“The only way I know of is being born one.”
“Sure, but there had to be a first witch, right?”Sebastian shrugged.“Everywhere I looked, there were always mentions of the first witch getting her powers from nature.It took me a while, but I realized that the most likely candidate was a magical vein, and I found out that there had been evidence of one in the woods outside Gellingham.I decided I was going to try to tap the vein and use the magic to turn myself into a witch.”
Kieran jolted back.He’d never heard of anyone trying to turn themselves into a witch.It sounded ludicrous.“You— What?How?”
“Well, I started spending a lot more time in the woods, for one thing.Took me a while to find the vein, but when I did, I knew I had to be close.My training taught me never to jump right into a situation, though—I needed to know how the vein worked before I tried to take its power.For days, I watched that area, trying to figure it out.That’s when I first saw that witch.”
Kieran’s eyes widened.“Verbena?”
Sebastian nodded.“At first, I thought she was just a strangeold hermit.But then I saw her use the scepter.She was able to channel the vein’s magic like it was her own.After a few more days, I decided that if I wanted to take that magic, I’d need the scepter to do it.”
Kieran’s heart began to speed up.“Verbena told me she broke it into pieces because someone tried to steal it from her.But—you wouldn’t—”
Sebastian’s face fell.“I was desperate, Kieran.I didn’t think she’d catch me.The last thing she did with the scepter was use the vein’s magic to curse me.Said I needed a punishment equal to my crime.She decided the best thing to give a thief was a curse that makes him steal life to live.Hence, vampirism.Specifically, vampirism that can be cured only with a panacea.A grave punishment for a grave crime, I guess.”
Kieran’s jaw had gone slack.“B-but she was so kind to me—”
“Because you’re the kind of a hero who popped directly out of a storybook, Kieran.”Sebastian’s expression hardened, eyes shifting back to his hands.“Look at yourself.You’re kind, handsome, as charming as the stars, and completely selfless.Me?I’m a murderer who tried to steal my way out of a life of killing people and wound up turning into an even worse monster.The fact that you have any interest in me at all—”
Without thinking, Kieran reached up, cupping the sides of Sebastian’s face in his hands.The skin was soft and grew warmer at Kieran’s touch.He tilted Sebastian’s face up until they were eye to eye.Sebastian’s lips remained gently parted, his dark eyes sparkling.
“You’re not a monster,” Kieran said, his gaze unwavering.“AndI’m not a hero.We’re people who made mistakes, but we made them with the best intentions.You just want to be more than what your family made you, right?”
Sebastian nodded.
“Me too,” Kieran said gently.He stroked Sebastian’s cheek.“And it’s hard.It’s so, so hard not being the person your parents created.But we’re both trying, aren’t we?To make things better?Doesn’t that mean something?”
Sebastian went quiet.Gently, he reached up, taking Kieran’s hands from where they rested on his face.He pressed a kiss to Kieran’s knuckles.Involuntarily, Kieran shivered.
“You’re aware that any sane person would be frightened in this scenario, yes?”Sebastian asked.“Most wouldn’t react well to learning that the person they’ve been traveling with has been hiding the fact that they’re a bloodstained killer.”
He wasn’t wrong.But also, this was Sebastian.Kieran had watched him nonstop since the day they met in the woods, studying him as if he were a poem in a language Kieran didn’t know but yearned to translate.Each day had felt like learning a new word until the sentences had finally started to come together, telling the story of a boy who kept himself carefully hidden beneath his calculated facade.How, underneath it all, he just wanted to take care of his family, make a better life for himself, and talk about the properties of different woods until the night sky turned pink.His father might have shaped him to kill, but that didn’t mean that was all he was.
“I think we deserve second chances,” Kieran finally said.He reached out, putting a hand on Sebastian’s knee.“Maybe you’re right that it’s foolish of me to think so, but I do.”
“Really?”Sebastian asked.“After everything I’ve done?You barely know the half of—”
