He paused, the sound of the sink running the only thing to cover up the sputtering sound he made at his own intrusive thought.Sure, Sebastian had mentioned it last night, but he’d probably just been saying that because he’d had a few glasses of wine.Kieran doubted he’d really want to drink from him.
Right?
Once the bowl was clean, Kieran headed to Sebastian’s room, only to turn back after realizing his mind had been so far away he’d forgotten to turn off the sink.
A few minutes later, he reappeared in Sebastian’s room, setting the clean bowl down on his table with the crackers.Once again, Sebastian lifted his eyes from the blankets and gratefully nodded to Kieran before taking a cracker and nibbling on it.
Kieran gestured to the bed.“Is it okay if I sit down?”
Sebastian nodded, scooting over to make room for him.Kieran, meanwhile, felt his heartbeat in his throat.Maybe he shouldn’t even try to bring anything up right now, not when Sebastian was sick—
“I was meaning to ask,” Sebastian started before Kieran’s thoughts could grow any louder.“Are you feeling okay?About last night?I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was trying to take advantage of you or anything.”
Kieran blinked.He hadn’t expected him to outright say it like that.With Ash, conversations like this were skirted around for days—typically, until Kieran’s anxiety grew so intense he just blurted out his feelings at the dinner table, and Ash would argue that Kieran was blindsiding him.In the last months of their relationship, Kieran had simply not brought up anything that was bugging him, hoping Ash would stay if he kept his mouth shut.In light of that, Sebastian’s openness felt incredibly refreshing.
“Oh—no, not at all.”Kieran shook his head.“I kissed you because I wanted to, not because I felt pressured to.I just, um…How do I put this…?”
“Feel like you’re betraying Ash?”Sebastian guessed.
“Yes.”Kieran winced as the word slipped out.He immediately began to backpedal: “Not that that’s your fault or anything, I’m just—it’s all a lot and—”
Slowly, Sebastian’s hand left his blanket cocoon and came to rest on Kieran’s knee.
“You don’t have to make excuses,” he said.“I just want to know what you’re thinking.If you’re holding back to try to preserve my ego, know that I’d much rather you be honest than nice.I can work with brutal honesty.I can’t with half-truths.”
Kieran could say with absolute certainty that no one had everasked him to do that.Brutal honesty would have gotten him gutted at the Pelumbra estate.It probably would have cut off his relationship with Ash long ago too.Sure, it’s how Briar operated—and Delilah, to some degree, though she was always much softer about it than Briar—but he’d always found it wildly intimidating.
Kieran swallowed the lump in his throat.His hands felt clammy, and his pulse was still thrumming.Just be honest.He’s not going to hate you.
“I’m not ready for anything serious,” Kieran admitted.When Sebastian just nodded, he added, “I like youso much,Sebastian.And I really, really enjoyed kissing you last night.But I also know that the last time I felt like this, I rushed into something too fast, and it didn’t turn out well.So I need…time.”
Sebastian nodded, his face giving away little more than casual agreement, plus a dash of still-lingering queasiness.He sat up a little more, sipping his water.“That’s perfectly reasonable.Honestly, it would be a bad idea for me as well, considering the state of my life.But…I did really enjoy last night.Perhaps…we could make some sort of arrangement?”
Kieran thought of the smutty novels sitting in his bedroom next door.Was this what Briar had talked about?I should have tried skimming those before doing this.
Kieran’s mouth was sandpaper dry.“Wh-what did you have in mind?”
“Maybe just…something casual.”Sebastian shrugged.“We stay friends but with a little more of what we had last night added in.A way to clear our heads, I guess.Blow off steam.”
Blow off steam?The concept gave Kieran pause, but then he blurted out, “With, um, sex?”
Sebastian, to his credit, didn’t laugh directly in Kieran’s face as that face turned the color of beet juice.Kill me.“Only if you want to.But I’m perfectly content sticking to kissing if that’s what you’re comfortable with.”
“Yes,” Kieran said, turning his face away so it was a little less obvious how hot his cheeks had become.There was just something about Sebastian’s frankness that made him feel…flustered.Though not necessarily in a bad way.“A-about sticking to kissing, I mean.I don’t think I’m ready for anything beyond that.But…I think I could handle something casual.”
“That’s good to hear.”Sebastian managed a smile, even as he had to pause in his attempt to eat a single cracker.He’d still barely gotten a third of it down.“And…I’m glad you don’t regret last night.I was up for hours hoping I hadn’t scared you away.”
“Not at all!”Kieran blurted, a little too enthusiastically.Honesty is good, but let’s not be too honest here.“I…I really enjoyed it.”
Sebastian met Kieran’s eyes with little smile.“I did too.My only regret is this stupid hangover stopping me from doing it again.”
Kieran’s entire body flushed at once.Ash had never been particularly flirty, and it had frequently made Kieran question whether Ash was even attracted to him.Hearing Sebastian say it was almost enough to make him overlook the whole puke-bowl incident and lean in now.
Kieran cleared his throat.“Maybe later?When you’re feeling better?”
Sebastian nodded.“I’ll let you know.In the meantime, though, thank you for checking on me.That was thoughtful.”
“Anytime.”Kieran rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.“And also, ah…if you ever feel like you haven’t had enough blood to deal with your curse, I…I might be able to help.”
