Kieran tried to swallow, but his mouth had gone dry.“Sorry—sorry, it’s nothing—”
“It’s not nothing if it makes you uncomfortable.Tell me.”
A wave of guilt washed over Kieran.Why did he find it so hard to communicate this sort of thing?Speaking up for himself had never been a skill Kieran excelled at, especially in the case of something like this.He’d hate to hurt Sebastian’s feelings or make him think he was any less for his curse—
“Kieran,” Sebastian said, eyes narrowing.“You’re in your head.Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Before he could let himself get mired in anxiety, Kieran said, “Is it, um, safe?With your curse and everything?”
As soon as the words were out, Kieran winced.You’re going to hurt him, and he’s going to hate you—
Sebastian, however, didn’t falter.His expression softened, though not in a sad way.There was understanding there, despite Kieran’s feeling that he might hyperventilate.Sebastian reached out and cupped Kieran’s cheek with his hand, tilting his face up to meet his eyes.
“I would never hurt you,” he promised.There was a weight behind the words that made Kieran wonder if he was speaking about something more than just his curse.“I swear it.I’ve had time to learn how to keep that part of me in check.I would never bite you without your permission.”
Kieran’s eyes widened.Without…permission?He thought back to what Sebastian had said about when he bit Lila in Raven’s Roost:I can make it feel positive for whoever I’m drinking from.Kieran’s first thought was to emphatically deny he’d ever want that.That everything he liked was very safe and normal and didn’t involve teeth.
His second thought, however, didn’t fully support that.
“I…huh” was the only thing Kieran managed to say.
“Whatever I can do for you, just say the word,” Sebastian said.He stroked a thumb across Kieran’s jaw.“If it’s a only a kiss, it’s only a kiss.”
Kieran found himself nodding before his thoughts could wander any further.“I think I’d just like a kiss for now.”
Sebastian reached out for Kieran again.He pulled him closer, and they rearranged themselves so Kieran sat sideways in Sebastian’s lap, his knees bent and feet on the couch.Feeling Sebastian’s arms wrapped around him, resting low near his tailbone, was almost enough to completely erase his anxiety.
“I can manage that.”
With that, Sebastian pulled him close once more.Kieran fell into his kiss as if it was the simplest thing in the world.While it was a bit stiffer at first than it had been before, Kieran felt his muscles slowly relax as he settled into the feeling of Sebastian’s tongue teasing at his own and his hands slipping just underneath the waistband of Kieran’s trousers.Everything about him was warm and sure and steady, and so much around Kieran wasn’t.
And for once in his life, Kieran let himself simply enjoy that.
When Kieran awoke the next morning, Seaweed asleep on his chest, he wasn’t entirely sure whether the night before had been a dream.
It had certainly felt like one.He’d spent more nights in a row than he’d like to admit wondering what Sebastian’s lips would feel like on his.Each of those nights too he berated himself for thinking it.So when the moment had finally come, and it had been better than he’d imagined, it had immediately sent him into a spiral.
Even if Ash and I are on a break, we’re still technically together.Does that make it cheating?If he finds out, will he still take me back?
Do I even still want him to?
Kieran pushed Seaweed off and hauled himself out of bed.She grumbled at him as he shuffled off to shower, doing his best to ignore the faint headache that had bloomed in the front of his skull.When he’d finished, he opened the drawer below his bathroommirror and took out a small glass bottle of painkillers, tossing two in his mouth and swallowing them dry.
He’d love to blame the wine for last night.But he’d wanted to kiss Sebastian since the moment he’d laid eyes on him, if he was being honest.Really, all the wine had done was melt away his ever-present sense of impending doom for a few hours.And with it, his reservations about the whole thing.
Part of Kieran wished he could call Ash.Confess to what he’d done and apologize over and over until his bruised sense of self-worth stopped smarting.But what was that, ultimately?Did he want to apologize to Ash, or did he just want permission to kiss Sebastian again?
That definitely makes me a bad person,Kieran decided as he ran a smoothing serum through his hair to keep his curls from getting too frizzy.Good people don’t abandon the relationships they’re trying to save just to kiss someone they barely know.
I wish there was a rule book for this.Kieran sighed, staring at himself in the mirror.There were shadows under his brown eyes from sleeping only a couple hours, and a few small red bumps had appeared on his forehead.He moaned, pressing the backs of his thumbs against his closed eyes.And now I have stress acne to top it off.Take me out back and end it.
He set down the comb in his hand, deciding he needed to consult someone more experienced.
Once he’d gotten dressed in a pair of black pants, a white button-down shirt, and a blue sweater vest, Kieran headed to the door kitty-corner to his, leaving Seaweed to sleep on the warm spot he’d left on the bed.As he knocked, he glancedat the door to Sebastian’s room.I’m going to have to speak to him too.
Did he regret last night?Kieran desperately hoped he didn’t.
The door in front of him swung open, making Kieran jump as the sound yanked him from his thoughts.He jerked around to find Briar yawning, rubbing her forehead.Her short red hair was sticking straight up in the front in a perfect cowlick.If Kieran had to guess, she’d probably fallen asleep with her face buried in a pillow.
