Beth
With Archie snuggled in his cot, the dishes washed up and put away, and Beth and Spencer lounging on the sofa in their pyjamas, it was another average night at home, but as Beth reached out for the remote control at the same time as Spencer, and their hands met, she wanted to add something different into their routine.
‘Can we talk?’
Spencer’s hand was still on hers. ‘Sounds serious.’
‘It’s just about us.’ Beth gazed at their hands. ‘About this.’
He too was looking in that direction, but then his blue eyes, so like her son’s, slowly moved to her mouth, and Beth swallowed hard.
‘We seem to have fallen into some sort of relationship,’ she added, trying to stay focused on the subject, rather than the pull of energy she could feel between them.
‘Not quite,’ he said softly.
Beth had skills in breath control now, and she was secretly using them so she wouldn’t show any nerves. ‘It’s just, well, we should talk about what’s happening here.’ She felt his finger twitch on her hand.
‘What part?’
‘All of it.’
He gave a brief nod.
‘Perhaps we should speak about the future,’ she added. ‘Plan ahead a little.’
Spencer’s forehead wrinkled slightly. ‘Is this about schools for Archie?’
‘No. I was thinking more along the lines of us.’
‘We’re doing all right the way we are, aren’t we?’
‘Yes, but are we just going to continue to live together and co-parent this way?’ She watched him mull over her words as he relaxed onto his side, still holding her hand.
It was a strange feeling bringing the unspoken words to the surface. She had loads more she wanted to say, and now was the time.
‘I want you to know I’m happy here, but I always knew this was short-term. I also know that when I move back to my place we’ll need to set up a routine for Archie.’ She cleared her throat, as her voice cracked on the last word. It was difficult to plan a future she didn’t want, but how could she move in permanently with him unless he said so?
Spencer wasn’t exactly joining in the chat. His bobbing head and lack of smile told her little.
‘Say something,’ she blurted, then chastised herself for sounding desperate. Pulling her hand from his, she sat back and folded her arms. ‘I want this talk to be about honesty. I need you to tell me what you want.’
‘You haven’t exactly told me what you want yet.’
She thought back to what she had said, then realized she was holding back. ‘I want this to be real. I want my family together, but I understand it’s complicated.’
Spencer shuffled closer, placing his finger up to her cheek. ‘It’s not complicated, Beth.’
The fact her heart stopped beating was a sure sign something was complicated all right. She met his gaze, warm and inviting. ‘Spence, I . . .’ Words failed her as his face inched nearer.
‘I want more.’ His voice was hushed, almost sedating her. ‘I want you.’
Beth lowered her head so it touched his. ‘I don’t want one night,’ she whispered, praying he felt the same, as she couldn’t bear it if he was only thinking of one thing when her heart was laid bare.
‘If you want me too, you won’t get just one night. I’ll give you all my nights. You can have everything.’ He gently raised her chin, and their eyes met once more, Beth seeing seriousness and passion.
There was something calming in that moment, so much so, she didn’t want to move and break the spell. Just looking at him was enough. His hand lightly brushing the back of her ear, his other still holding her chin, the way his eyes told a thousand stories. Where were her heartbeats? Did it even matter? Did anything?
Spencer’s nose touched hers, waking her gently from the daydream. ‘Do you want me, Beth?’
