His shoulders shrugged, melodramatically. “No man can compete with that ring.”
Everyoneenviedthe blue diamond.
Which meant I should be thankful that this was the first ring that caught his eyes. It left little room for embarrassment on my end.
After about thirty minutes, the team said their congratulations and left. Umaima remained where I last saw her, with Yunus now awake, watching me with wide eyes and drool dripping down his mouth.
Umaima couldn’t make it to the engagement party because she got sick and now, she was on baby duty.
“You like, Yunus?” I did a quick three sixty twirl for him, the dress whooshing at my feet like a coming storm erupting upon clothes to a washing line.
A barely toothy smile broke on his face with an enthusiastic nod. Umaima chuckled and pressed a kiss to the back of his head, “My nephew has good taste.”
“I can’t stop looking at you,” she said with a proud smile.
“Thank you.” I blushed while awkwardly swinging my arms. “It’s all because of them.”
“Hey,” she struggled to get off the bed with Yunus latching onto her. “Give yourself some credit, Addie. Without you in it, the dress is just a dress. You make it beautiful.”
Warmth embraced my abdomen in a way that reminded me of the ocean on a hot summer day.While cool to thetouch, eventually it becomes warm and comforting and despite your skin pruning from the water, you want to stay and bask in the moment because it feels incredible.
That moment quickly disappeared when my phone started buzzing incessantly.
Eda’s calling.
All of sudden, the ocean turned cold, and my legs froze. Darkness erupted onto the summery day and despite the voices in my head telling me to get out of the water I couldn’t.
The picture on my side table of her hugging me at my bachelor’s graduation beamed with the reminder of what a disappointment I was to Eda. We looked so happy there. She was smiling like she was so proud of me, and I was leaning against her chest. Eda filled in the missing pieces of my parents. Sometimes she was a parent figure and other times she was my best friend. Disappointing her was insufferable.
Shame was my child. When I was younger, I neglected it often. Now it reminded me that my womb’s only function was to give birth to it. There was no room for other feelings. It remained selfish despite being shunned from my body.
When would it stop torturing me this way?
My eyes barred with relief when the ringing stopped.
“Still not talking to her?”
“She keeps trying to talk me out of marrying Christian.” The conversation I had with her at Morning Star didn’t go well. She went hysterical—saying Christian was using me, he didn’t care about me, and he’d hurt me again.
When you’ve experienced pain as much as I have, it feels unnatural to be without it.
“Maybe you should just tell her the truth?” Umaima suggested. “It’s better than feeling like shit.”
My aunt would swim across the Atlantic to slap me across the face. It wasn’t marriage she was against, but she had plans for Starlight and me and I was ruining them for her.
She stayed away from Moonshine and here I was, drifting towards it like she hadn’t spent blood, sweat, and tears making sure their paths wouldn’t cross.
My contracted marriage would send her to an asylum.
“She needs to see me happy and then all will be fine.” At least that’s what I hoped. “She’s not the type to be mad at me for long either.”
I always envisioned her by my side, helping me prepare for these significant moments. Yet here I was, in the room she helped decorate, transformed into an idealized version of myself, and she wasn't here to see it.
Vocal cords jabbed at my throat.
“Love is a silly invention made for people that weren’t smart enough to invent their own unique feelings.”
I always thought she liked me and Christian together.
