I undressed silently, changed into a sleeping gown, and crawled into bed. I didn’t look toward the Cliffs. I lay on my side, facing the side Casteel slept on, and waited.
And waited, every part of me tense as if my body were poised to rise at any moment so I could go to Casteel. Anxiety and desperation crawled through me, causing my legs to shift restlessly beneath the soft blanket.
Kicking the blankets off, I rose and began pacing as my heart thumped and my stomach continuously twisted. I had no idea how long I wore a path on the floor in front of the bed before I finally crawled back under the covers. Crossing my arms, I balled my hands and drew up my legs. I held myself tight, trying to keep from breaking apart. And that was how I felt. As if I were on the edge of shattering.
I couldn’t allow that.
I clenched my jaw and blinked hard, refusing to give in to the rawness trying to claw its way free.
I couldn’t go to him.
I wouldn’t.
When sleep finally came, it came quickly, pulling me under so deeply that I couldn’t be sure if what happened in the darkest hours of the night was real or if I’d dreamed of him slipping into bed behind me.
Hispine-and-spice scent enveloping me.
Hisstrong arms wrapping around me, his body cooler than usual as he gathered me to his chest.
Hisvoice, low and shadowy in my ear as he pressed his wrist to my mouth and told me to feed.
None of it felt real.
Not the tingling of the first drop of his blood on my tongue nor the heady taste—decadent, lush, and tinged with a wildness that was stronger now than when I’d first tasted it. Even the heat that built with each draw from his wrist felt like a dream borne of desperation.
When my eyes opened to the gray rays of dawn, the haze of sleep still clouded my thoughts. I was alone, and the spot beside me was cold, seemingly untouched. But I felt flushed,stronger. And his taste…
My breathing turned shallow.
His taste lingered in my mouth and on my lips, as did the feel of his hand on my thigh, parting them as I fed. It still felt branded on my flesh. I could feel us even now, my body rocking, driven by need and instinct. Him behind me, inside me. It all burned and blurred together, but I knew it had been real.
Casteel had returned to me.
But he hadn’t stayed.
He wasn’t here now.
He’d come and made sure I was fed, that I wasstrong. He’d sated my needs, then left. And that was…
It was ruinous.
I forced myself to eat the breakfast Kieran brought. It wasn’t exactly a well-balanced meal, mostly strips of crispy bacon—my favorite kind: both salty and sweet.
I hadn’t looked Casteel in the eyes since he left the Solar the evening before.
I stopped myself from asking Kieran if he’d found Casteel no less than a hundred times. Kieran wasn’t volunteering the information, and there had to be a reason for that.
One I couldn’t face right now.
The bacon tasted like sawdust.
And each time I was about to summon the essence to find Casteel, I heard the raw pain in his voice, saw the unshed tears in his eyes, and sensed the betrayal he felt.
I couldn’t risk seeing that again before I left. It would shatter me.
When Kieran ducked out to do only the gods knew what, the reality of what was coming became more real with each passing moment. No matter what happened in Pensdurth, I would not be returning to Carsodonia conscious. Either I’d be in stasis or…
Pressure clamped down on my chest. Everything felt like it was happening too fast. My breathing thinned, my heart stuttered.
