I opened my hand. The remnants of The Star slipped between my fingers, catching the distant torchlight in a fleeting, faint glimmer before falling as dust to the floor.
Something like this can’t be okay.
The truth in those words crawled deep inside me.
But it had to be.
Because I could feel everything tied to it not being okay rising from that tight, aching place in my chest. It burned my throat and stung my eyes. And once freed, it felt like every thought and feeling surrounding hownot okayany of this was would be overwhelming. Like I wouldn’t be able to control myself. And that was weak, wasn’t it? I couldn’t afford that. Not now. If I let it happen, it would be devastating.
I had to pull myself together.
I couldn’t be afraid.
I needed to be strong.
Brave.
I had to be okay.
CHAPTER 41
POPPY
“Poppy?”
Delano’s voice jolted me, and I blinked several times. Once I realized I was standing in front of the glass wall again, staring at the gray, rocky face of the Cliffs of Sorrow, I sucked in a sharp breath.
“You okay?” Delano asked.
“Yeah,” I said, even though my heart pounded, and I had no idea how long I’d been standing there. Since I returned from the Vault? I rubbed my temple and faced him, forcing a smile.
Concern filled his winter-sky eyes from where he stood in the doorway. “Are you sure? I called your name twice.”
“I’m sorry. I must’ve zoned out.”
Delano shifted his weight, his uncertainty clear. “Is your head hurting?”
“No.” I lowered my hand when I felt his relief. “I was just trying to remember something.”
He cocked his head. “Does rubbing your temple help with that?”
“Not really.” I laughed. “Is everything all right?”
He nodded. “Just figured you could use some company while you wait for Cas.” He paused, and my smile became more genuine. “Especially since you’re back.”
The smile froze.
“Yeah,” he drawled, a white-blond lock of hair slipping across his forehead as he dipped his chin. “I know you weren’t in the Solar this whole time.”
Damn it.
“How did you know?” I asked.
He lifted a shoulder.
I eyed him. Thenotamwasn’t that sensitive, but Delano had always been different. He seemed to recognize thenotameven before I entered the Culling.
“So, what were you staring at?” he prodded, drawing me from my thoughts.
