The comment eased some of the tension building in me, and a laugh burst free. “You have—” It hit me, and I spun around. “I look like Sotoria. Unless Callum has a really poor memory, that means he knows who I am—or was.”
“He would.”
Stunned, I slowly shook my head. “He’s been around me.”
“And he never said anything?” she asked. “Gave any indication?”
“No. I mean, I don’t think so. We didn’t have long conversations.” I racked my brain for any clues he could’ve given me and couldn’t come up with any. But that could be because my head felt like it really couldn’t handle any more information. “He was always…amicable toward me.”
Casteel huffed. “He has a way of being infuriating while being civil.”
“True.” I paused. “I did kill him once for annoying me.”
Seraphena laughed. “That makes my heart happy to hear.”
That was kind of disturbing.
But so was the fact that her statement made me grin.
I turned back to the window, thinking about the last time I’d seen Callum. It was at the Bone Temple, and I’d thought he looked surprised when Isbeth seemingly chose to sacrifice Malec. But perhaps I’d read his expression wrong. It was kind of hard to see when his face was painted. I thought about what Holland had said regarding those aiding Isbeth having different end goals.
Why had he never said anything? The question fed a part of me that wanted to deny what Seraphena said. The same part that wanted to ignore that she couldn’t tell an outright lie.
Sipping the sherry, I resisted the urge to bang my head off the window. “How did I not know I was…reborn? I’ve never had a single memory of another life—or lives.”
“You probably did as a child, but they faded as you got older,” Seraphena said. “At least, that’s what Ione said.”
My heart jolted in surprise at the Goddess of Rebirth’s name. It was surreal to be here with Seraphena and hear her speak about other gods who always seemed more like fables to me. “You talked to her about me?”
“I did. I wanted to know if you would remember your past lives.”
Knowing what I did now about Kolis, I had a feeling it was a blessing Ididn’tremember anything.
Still, a part of me needed to know.
I drew in a breath that felt too thin. “Ian said that Kolis’s appearance frightened Sotoria, causing her…” My brows lowered as a strange memory surfaced—a village and screams. I shook my head. “Causing her to run. And she fell. It sounded like an accident.”
“It was.”
“I cannot believe sheranoff a cliff,” I muttered.
“I had a hard time believing it myself. But what I didn’t fully appreciate then was that the gods were very much present in the mortals’ lives in Sotoria’s time. Being terrified of the Primal of Death would have been a normal reaction.”
I guessed so. “The second time she died…she was pushed to take her life?”
Seraphena hesitated. “Yes.”
My eyes closed. I wished I couldn’t imagine what had been done to someone to drive them to such an act, but I could. Imprisonment. Loss of choice. Assault. The end of hope.
“She didn’t die by her own hand, though,” Seraphena said, and my eyes opened. “She managed to speak with Eythos and asked him to end her life.”
“And he agreed?” Casteel asked.
“He did. I think he had an idea of how to help Sotoria by then.”
“Or try to,” I corrected. “It sounds like Kolis always found her.” I rested my forehead against the cool window, searching every part of my being for an emotional connection to this past. The horror. “I…don’t feel anything.”
“What do you mean?” Casteel’s voice was closer.
