I closed my eyes, feeling the back of my throat sting. I shook my head.
“Do you know why I’m against this?” he asked, his hand folding over mine. “Why Kieran is? I know it’s the same thing you’d feel if we suggested what you are.”
“Because…because you’re worried,” I whispered.
“Worried?” Kieran laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I don’t think that encapsulates what we feel when we think about you running off to face Kolis.”
If our situations were reversed, I would be…terrified.
“I get that you want to protect the people here. I do, too.” Casteel lifted my hand, threading his fingers between mine. “But endangering yourself is not how you do that.”
A knot lodged in my throat. “Then what should I do?”
“You should be asking whatweshould do,” Casteel said. “The three of us. Together.”
Eyes opening, I twisted back to him. “Is that whatyou’resuggesting we do?”
“I’m suggesting we at least wait until we receive word from Pensdurth. And that we get as much information as possible before we do anything,” he said, his eyes searching mine. “WhenI said we go to Pensdurth, I wasn’t talking about the armies. Not that I’m against bringing them. We may need them. But I meant us.”
What went unsaid rang painfully clear. “I wasn’t only thinking of myself.”
“I know.” Casteel’s gaze briefly lifted to Kieran. “We both know that. And, gods, I wish youwerethinking of only yourself. Instead, you were thinking of everyonebutyourself.”
I ran my palms over my legs and glanced toward Reaver. I could only see the top of his frills since he’d again lowered his head to rest between his forelegs.
“We are Joined. The three of us. We’re protected as long as you are.” Casteel leaned in until only a few inches separated us. “I, more than anyone, know what happens when one believes they can fight alone. They fall. I failed. I cannot stand by and watch you make that same mistake.”
I pressed my lips together and shivered as Casteel closed his hand around the nape of my neck. “We have to do something and soon—before Kolis is restored to full power. If he isn’t already.”
“And what would you suggestwedo,” Kieran asked.
My thoughts raced for an answer since I had only considered what I could do. I thought about what they wanted before making a move—knowledge. “We need information, right? More than just what state Kolis is in. We also need to know what kind of forces he’s gathered.” I took a deep breath. “We can get that information right now. Slip in, scout the city, and slip right back out.”
“Poppy,” Kieran started.
I turned to him, and Casteel’s hand slipped away. “I know you don’t like the idea of shadowstepping, but it’s really not that bad.”
“It has nothing to do with that,” he said.
“You said we would be able to sense Kolis if he was in the city,” Casteel stated. “That should be the same for him, right? He will be able to sense us.”
“I…” I sat back. “Yes.” How could I not have even considered that? That kind of mistake was utterly absurd, defied logic, and was nothing short of ludicrous.
“We aren’t doing nothing,” Casteel said. “I know it feels like it, but you know making smart, concise decisions based on fact and not emotion doesn’t equal inactivity. That’s why you didn’t burn a path to Carsodonia when you came for me. You were strategic. We are doing the same thing here. And when we make our move against Kolis, we do so together. That’s how we walk away from this. Together. That’s how we live. And we will.” He squeezed my hand. “Okay?”
The breath I took was shallow as I nodded.
“I want to hear you say it,” Kieran said.
I closed my eyes and gave them what they wanted. I said okay. Not because I felt I had to but because they were right. The three of usdidhave a better chance at defeating Kolis together. But I had a feeling, and I didn’t know if it was thevadentiaor fear, that better wasn’t good enough.
I worried we wouldn’t win.
Even if we managed to live.
CHAPTER 29
POPPY
