“Thank gods.” My shoulders relaxed. “That’s a relief.” My gaze slid back to his. “I think,” I added in a whisper, swallowing hard. “Why do I suddenly have a feeling that trying to eat—”
“Bite.”
“—Kieran would’ve been better than what I actually did?”
“No. No.” Keeping one hand wrapped around mine, he cupped my chin. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Poppy. In reality, you once again proved how fucking strong you are.” His eyes closed briefly. “I need you to understand that you did nothing wrong.”
My lips parted as I stared back at him. “Tell me what happened.”
He ignored that and instead asked, “Do you?” he insisted. “Do you understand that?”
My inhale was shallow as tiny knots of dread formed in my stomach. “I do.”
His fingers splayed across my cheek. “When you woke up, it wasn’t just you who came back.”
My gaze lowered as my shoulders stiffened. “Something—someonecame back with me?” My eyes rose to his as the knots tightened. “Who?”
“Kolis.”
My heart felt like it stuttered. For a moment, all I could hear was it pounding in my ears and that voice. That achingly cold and dry whisper.
I’ve always been with you.
“Tell me,” I heard myself say. “Tell me everything.”
And Casteel did.
CHAPTER 12
POPPY
I sat completely still, the robe forgotten in my lap, as he explained the state I’d been in and how I’d alternated between remembering who I was and not when I woke up the first time. Or was that technically the second time? Either way, I now understood why he’d been so concerned about me having a headache.
I listened as he told me how Kolis could connect and communicate with those he was responsible for creating, basically possessing them as he’d done with me—something he could do, even while entombed.
I even remained calm when he explained how Kolis likely forged the connection with me. I didn’t throw up when I learned that he’d probably had my blood, and I’d had his. Though I really wanted to. Obviously, I had no memory of randomly ingesting blood, but I knew that could’ve happened without my knowledge—or my consent—at any point.
Casteel didn’t break eye contact as he explained how I’d seemed to know something was wrong and refused to feed until he convinced me. His thumb didn’t falter in its slow, soothing slide across my cheek as he said I’d fought against Kolis’s influence and had enough self-awareness to stop myself from hurting him, Reaver, and Kieran.
“You, more than any of us, made sure he couldn’t do any damage,” Casteel said, his voice low. He’d been speaking quietly throughout all of this. “You understand?”
I nodded. “I understand.” And I really did, but it all felt like I was listening to a story that didn’t involve me, except for the on-and-off feeling of déjà vu. I wet my lower lip. “What else?”
Casteel had fallen silent, watching me as if he were trying to figure out what was going on inside my mind. “You’re starting to worry me.” His gaze searched mine. “You’re too quiet.”
I was.
I hadn’t said a thing before I told him I understood. “I’m listening.” I forced myself to swallow. Then, I made myself take a breath.
“But are you processing what you’re hearing?” His thumb stilled. “Honestly?”
I nodded.
I was processing.
And I was remaining calm.
“What else?” I forced myself to ask becauseI knewthere was more. Every part of my being said there was.
