“I’m okay,” he assured me, cupping my cheek with his other hand. He tilted my head back. “You didn’t lose me.”
I knew that, obviously. But, my gods, if we hadn’t gone through with the Joining, Cas wouldn’t be here. I would’ve lost him.
“You saved me, even at great cost to yourself.” He let out a heavy breath and slid his hand down my arm, leaving a wake of tingles behind. “Healing me put you further into stasis. If you hadn’t done that, you likely would’ve woken earlier. I’m sorry, Poppy.”
Why was he apologizing? “Cas—”
“I should’ve been prepared for something like that to happen. For fuck’s sake, we are in the heart of enemy territory. I shouldn’t have let my guard down.” His lashes lowered, and the sour taste of guilt filled my throat. “If I hadn’t, that damn Rev never would’ve gotten close to you. He wouldn’t have gotten the upper hand on me. But I wasn’t prepared, and none of us…” He shook his head. “Not Kieran, you, and especially not me, stopped to think about what the Joining really meant for you. How it could impact you.”
There was no mistaking the remorse and regret in his voice, but it wasn’t just his words that made my heart ache. It was how his hand trembled against my cheek. “What happened wasn’t your fault,” I told him. “And I’m fine.”
A muscle flexed along his jaw. “Do I need to remind you that you’ve been in stasis?”
“No.” I searched his features, wanting to smooth away the crease between his brows. “Do you regret the Joining?”
“No, of course not.” He tightened his hold on my wrist, not letting me pull farther away. “I don’t regret it. I could never regret that. But I can’t say I’m happy now that I realize what it means for you. Neither is Kieran—”
“What if it was the other way around?” I cut in. “What if your power saved me—healed me or Kieran?” I frowned. “And where is Kieran? I thought…” I thought he’d be here.
“He’s likely asleep.”
Surprise flickered through me. I would’ve thought he’d be sleeping in here, but I refocused on the issue at hand. “Would you be displeased to discover that doing so would temporarily weaken you?”
His frown said he thought that was the silliest question known to mortals and gods. “No. Absolutely not. I’d be fucking relieved.”
I lifted my brows, waiting for him to get it.
He stayed silent, so I guessed he didn’t.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “I’m glad you feel that way because that’s exactly how I feel.”
“It’s—”
“Don’t say it’s different because it’s not.”
That muscle along his jaw flexed again. “You’re right.”
I wasn’t sure if he truly believed that. “This was the purpose of the Joining, was it not?”
“It was.” He lifted my hand from his chest and kissed the center of my palm. “But knowing that it harmed you—even temporarily—kills me, Poppy.”
“I know. I would feel the same way. But there is no cost I’m not willing to pay when it comes to you.”
A ragged sound left Cas. He bent at the waist, and then his mouth was on mine, lips soft, gentle, and hungry all at once. He kissed me, taking his time as if it were the first time he was doing so and was seeking to brand the feel of my lips upon him. It was a different sort of kiss—a wrecking kind full of so much. Love. Relief. The sweetness of it brought a wave of tears to my eyes. I felt a little dizzy when he pulled back.
He rested his forehead against mine. “I know you have a lot of questions but let me get you something to drink. And I’m sure you likely need to make use of the bathing chamber.”
Did I need to relieve myself? I would think after being asleep—in stasis—for that long, I would. But I didn’t. Not urgently, at least. And that was odd. Then again, I hadn’t had anything to drink or eat in that time frame—
A hazy memory of eating formed—frantic, tearing at meat with my fingers—and then faded. It was so quick, I wasn’t even sure if it was a real memory or something I’d dreamed.
Why was I even dwelling on that?
Shaking my head, I started to rise but stopped as Cas straightened. His eyes, burning like twin amber flames, met mine.
Clasping his cheeks, I brought his head down until we were face-to-face once more. I thought about how I could feel his essence when I first woke up and how strong it felt now. How did this happen? What felt like an obvious answer occurred to me, but it didn’t make sense. The Joining. “Tell me about this—the eather I can feel and see in you.”
“I will. I promise.” He folded his fingers around my wrists and gently pulled my hands away. After kissing the palms of each, he released them. “Once you get up and see to your needs.”
