Only hours into the day I could already say it was the most difficult day of my life. I wanted to give up almost every minute. I have no idea how I pushed past the hunger pains and jelly legs in those first few hours, the absence of energy, the needling stitches in my sides, the numbness in my face, ears, fingers, and toes, the pain shooting up my feet into my legs. One foot in front of the other, over and over and over again, and Rylen’s voice in my ear.
Water breaks became the nectar of life. Each word of the cadences were electric shocks that forced my legs to shuffle forward. Hundreds of cadences—some with lyrics that would’ve made me blush had I been in my right mind. We chanted until we were hoarse.
I used to wear those old blue jeans . . .
Now I’m wearing cammie greens . . .
But it won’t be long . . .
Till I get on back home . . .
I used to eat at Micky Ds . . .
Now I’m eating MREs . . .
But it won’t be long . . .
Till I get on back home . . .
I used to date a beauty queen . . .
Now I love my M16 . . .
Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh . . .
Whoa-oha-oha-oh.
The guys offered to take turns carrying Remy since she became dead weight at the height of her fever when she could barely hold on, but Tater insisted he had her. His face was crusted with a layer of dry dust. Everyone’s was. My lips cracked, and I didn’t have enough saliva to wet them.
I knew we were going too slow. The guys spoke low on breaks, but I heard. We wouldn’t make it today at this pace.
And then, hell of all hells, it began to snow. I didn’t even notice until Remy gasped and weakly held out her gloved hand. I stopped in my tracks and peered up at the blinding, colorless sky. It was like tiny, peaceful little angels fluttering down on us. We didn’t get snow in the Vegas area unless we went way up in the mountains. I’d only seen snow as a young child in North Carolina, and it never lasted long. It was so pretty. I wanted to lay on the ground and watch it fall. Watch it cover me.
How long had we been marching? Long enough for me to lay down, right?
“C’mon, Pepper,” Rylen gently urged. “We can’t stop.” He had to tug me forward to get my stiff legs moving again. Pain sang through my limbs.
“Ow . . .” I sucked in a harsh breath.It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.I felt wooden. I shouldn’t have stopped.
“I know, baby, come on.” Rylen took my hand and pulled me forward until my frozen feet took up the rhythm of the pack.
He’d called me baby. Even though he obviously wasn’t in his right mind, it made my heart flutter. We were all delirious.
Then itreallybegan to snow.
Texas Harry let out a harsh, humorless laugh up ahead and held his gloved middle finger up to the sky. “Fuck you, too, Mother Nature!”
We all peered around, our faces scrunched in similar disdain at the changing landscape. Everything was turning white.
“Keep marching!” Devon called out. We picked up our pace.
Before long the snow was deep enough to feel like weird crunching underfoot. Then I started kicking it in poofs as I walked, which slowed me down. Good Lord, it was like three inches deep already. Panic clutched my chest.
“Just raise your knees, Pep,” Ry said. “Lift your feet a little higher.”
I did as he said, but my muscles were likenope. I’d been lucky to shuffle myself along this far, as it was. I miraculously kept going. And going.
“Shit,” I heard Tater mutter, and looked over to see him barely catching Remy, who cried out as she slid. She was covered in a thick layer of snow where she must have fallen asleep again. Both of them collapsed, breathing hard. Remy’s face . . . oh, no.
