“Bibi caught me with her talons in the greenhouse that day. Left quite the impressive gash, although it’s impossible to tell now.”
“I saw the blood. I was wondering.” I lean forward and look. Sure enough, there are sutures but no actual wound, only flawless skin underneath.
“After Sadrie and I argued, I was so distraught that I didn’t think to clean it that day. But the next time I did, it was likethis. I can’t explain it.” She shakes her head. “I hardly believe my eyes. But she said Itooksomething from her, and now I’m completely healed. The monster is gone too, and Iknowit’s all related. I’m not so sure I want to know how. I just hope… I hope that horrible thing never comes back, but somehow I suspect that it will.”
She blots her tear-stained face. “You don’t need to forgive me, Elodie, but I want you to know how sorry I am for how I acted when I was out of my mind. You called a codeword, and I was so far gone I just kept pushing. Gods, Istabbedyou. I’m every bit as bad as Sadrie, and I can’t stand it. Ihatethat I did that.”
My heart cracks for her a little bit. “Listen. It’s not a coincidence that you’ve been battling this monster of yours and having trouble regulating your emotions. I think the two things are deeply connected. But the good news is, you can teach yourself control with breathing exercises.”
“Breathingexercises?”
“Measured, deep breaths. When you realize your feelings are growing too big to handle, it can help you self-regulate before you completely lose control. With practice it might make it all easier to deal with.”
Skepticism flashes in her face. “It’s really that simple?”
“Give it a try,” I shrug. “And it’s not simple, no. It takes patience and consistency. Controlled breathing is only the starting point. But you might be surprised at the results if you’re willing.”
“If you say so.” She purses her mouth into a perfect mauve rosebud. “I’ll try anything at this point. I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again. Not you or myself or Sadrie—even though she’s being shitty at the moment. Not with my words or actions. I definitely don’t want to cause harm, like Mother Deirdre and her horrible dome.”
I gaze at her, warmth glowing in my chest. Something close tojoyof all things pulses through me. I wish with a vicious desperation I could tell her what she is. Even consider it for half a second.
But that’d only kick open a door neither of us is ready to walk through.
You know what comes next, Elodie.And with her and Sadrie on the outs, I know what I need to do now, too.
“That’s what matters,” I say. “And yes, Tiss. I forgive you. Of course I do.”As if I could do anything else.
She exhales a long breath, visibly relaxing.
“Can you forgive me for being selective about what I tell you?”
“I think so,” she nods. “You’re right. I’m not entitled to information. Especially nothing that could endanger your standing here or put you at personal risk.”
Goddess. A lump rises in my throat. I didn’t realize how much I’d been needing her to acknowledge it. “Need help removing those arm laces? Or were you planning to start a new fashion craze?”
The briefest of smiles softens her face. “Help would be nice. Thank you.”
I stand to fetch my sewing kit. Drop down next to her on the cushioned settee when I get back. “I need to ask you something personal about, ah… being intimate with Sadrie. But only if you’re comfortable answering.”
She shrugs. “Can I let you know if I’m not?”
“Of course.” I fish out the blunt-tipped scissors. Hold them up. “May I?”
She places her wrist in my hand.
“You said you drained her and that she accused you of taking something from her.” One by one, I snip the sutures. “Before that happened, were you the one in control? Er, the more dominant person in the equation?”
She looks at me strangely, cheeks reddening. “How did you know?”
“I know a thing or two about a thing or two,” is my vague reply.
She studies me for a long moment. I can practically see the gears turning in her mind.
But she doesn’t argue, doesn’t probe. “Before, when Sadrie was the one in control, nothing bad or strange happened. Which has been tripping me up worse than anything else about this whole situation.”
“Well. There’s nuance there. Believe it or not, it makes a difference.”
She gives that some thought. Watches my hands as I work. “When I was in control—when I, um…finished—something strange happened. A couple of strange things, actually.” Sheholds up her opposite hand. Gazes at it as if she can see something I can’t. “The backs of both of my hands started glowing with some sort of design, almost like tattoos. After that, I-I think Eisha sent me a vision.”
