Pausing, I listen for the breath rushing softly from his lungs and follow it with mine. I think of the bite of pickled blueberries on my tongue and the drumbeat of my pulse when Sadrie would get me laughing really hard.
His hand on my heart is reassuring, his touch grounding. All the while, the intoxicating combination of amber and cedar makes my head feel light. Gradually, the building around us fades, and there’s only me and El, the feeling of remembered happiness, and the swirling dark behind my closed eyes.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “You can let go now.”
I give myself permission to release the fears and anxieties shackling me in place.
Suddenly the fabric between realities stretches so thin that it wants to shred apart completely. I become overly aware of my life-force—my very essence—living both inside and outside of my body.
Realizing there’s nothing holding me together, I fear I might dissolve into nothingness but for El.
That’s when the darkness sunders before me, revealing a thread stretched between us. Taut like a zither string, it pulses with otherworldly light.
My stomach does a somersault, my breath catching. A moment later, I understand.
El is myanchor, my tether in this world and the next, a tree rooted deeply into the earth. For unaccounted moments, I’m clinging to him for dear life to keep from coming completely apart—flying into pieces and losing myself forever to the yawning abyss.
Just as I’m wobbling between realities, trying to decide between letting myself veer into nothingness or clinging to my sanity awhile longer yet, he reaches through the dark and churning vortex lapping at the edges of my substance. He offers his hand, showing me the way.
Inside the shared expanse of our minds, I take it.
“Mmm, there you are.” He says it so softly, at first I’m scarcely aware he’s spoken. “Can you let me in?”
“Yes,” I whisper, my consciousness suddenly splitting apart like an opening blossom as we breathe one another's breath.
My heart and mind are in two places at once. I realize I’m occupying space within the confines of my own consciousness and inside ofhis, too. Internally, he moves over to make room for me.
And I make room for him.
“Good,” he sighs.
Strangely, everything is right with the world. My eyes flutter open to find his gaze locked on mine. It’s gleaming with approval.
“That was very,verygood, Tiss.”
As always, his praise is irresistible. His green and brown irises seem more vibrant, the fire’s hiss more pronounced. The vague stench of smoke is sharper now, more acrid; the amber and cedar headier and more consuming still.
“You have the power to reach inside of yourself anytime you want to find this calm. This peace. It's the same concept as breathing through your emotions. It’s another step on the same path.”
Feeling his warm skin beneath my fingers, I look down to find my free hand wrapped around his wrist. His hand is still positioned over my heart.
We release each other. Fingertips feathering over my jaw, he takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Is this all right?”
“Yes,” I croak. “I think I wouldn’t mind you touching me again, without asking first.”Damn it.I didn’t plan on saying that. “You know, if you want to.”
“Oh, I want to, Tiss,” he breathes. “I can't wait to show you more.”
Again, I’m caught in his sway, helplessly enthralled with his nearness and the strange alchemy between us. Our connection pulses stronger now, as if I’ve thrown a door wide open that I wasn’t aware existed.
Chapter 34
Itissa
We have our next exam on the last Aodhsday of Stormdrift. Two more days pass before we get our grades back. Sadrie, Cordelia, and I passed again, and the three of us are allowed to select another token.
I choose a ring of Signet Silver with a turquoise stone in the middle, framed with scrolling silver openwork in an elegant leaf motif. According to Lady Maida, turquoise offers protection and healing. With any luck it’ll continue to keep the hungry predator with me at bay.
Like before, we are dismissed for break, and Elodie asks me to hang back.
