He cried out her name as he spent himself in her, and she held him as he shuddered in release. Their hands were still tightly clasped. He lay with his full weight on her for a moment, but before she could become aware of any discomfort he rolled over, taking her with him so that she lay on top of him once more.
‘Georgie…’ he said again after a moment. ‘I am afraid to speak and break the spell. I know that sometimes I am damnably clumsy where you are concerned, I have always been guilty of talking too much when I should keep silent, and I do not… But thank you.’
‘Thank you…?’ she murmured distractedly, her head buried in his neck, drinking in the spicy scent of him.
‘Thank you for marrying me when I know you still have doubts. Thank you for all you risk in doing so. I promise you I am more than conscious of it.’ She stiffened a little in his embrace; he felt it and said ruefully against her curls, ‘You see? I will always be talking when I should learn to be quiet and hold you.’
‘No… You have been avoiding me, have you not, these last few days? I thought you might come to my bed, but then I realised why you did not. It must have been because you did not wish to discuss my doubts any further. And I did not either, so I did not seek you out. And…’ she said, with a little catch in her voice, ‘and… I don’t want to talk about them now. Like this.’ She shivered a little, and he pulled the covers up over them, not speaking until he had done so, wrapping his arms around her again.
‘God knows I will not force you to speak of something that brings you distress, now of all times. I suppose that’s partly true, the reason I was avoiding you. I’m sorry, Georgie. The plain truth is that I was afraid, I think, that if we spoke again on thematter your obvious reluctance might compel me to behave as a true gentleman would and let you go. And I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I did so. I am aware that that’s not very creditable and I am not excessively proud of myself for it. “Selfish” does not even come close to describing my actions.’
‘You have others than yourself to think of.’
‘That’s kind of you, but it’s not really true. I owed it to many, to marry and… all the rest of it. But you must know that I lost sight of that a good while since. For many days now I have been aware that I wanted you, I want you, for myself, not for the damn dukedom or the estate or any of that.’
‘Well, you have me.’ So much still lay unspoken between them, and she felt she had exposed herself enough. But this much was true: he had her. As to whether she had him, could ever truly… But she must not do this to herself now.
‘I hope I never give you cause to regret it, my dear.’
‘So, do not!’
‘If it lies in my power…’
She sighed. ‘I was being childish; do not regard it. We both know that you cannot make those kinds of promises. Nobody can. But something has been tormenting me, Gabriel. When I speak of it to anyone, they tell me I am being foolish.’
‘I doubt that. You are no fool.’
She shook her head. ‘Never mind that. You do not have to pay me compliments; this is serious. I worry that I will not be able to give you the son that you need.’
‘If that were so – and there is no reason to make such an assumption – I do not see how we could ever know if the fault, though fault is not the correct word, were yours or mine. This sort of thing is out of our hands, is it not, and always must be? And the same would be true whomever I had married.’
‘You do not have natural children here and there, then?’ She spoke with studied lightness – he might have a dozen, for all sheknew, a man of his reputation, and if it were so she supposed she must accept it – but he answered her seriously.
‘I do not. I have always been careful, whatever people have said of me. No bastard children, no need for mercury cures. I should have told you both these things before, perhaps. I did tell your brother in our first awkward interview, once the bottle came out.’
‘I think you should have said. But everything has been so fraught and peculiar these last days… I am glad, on both counts.’
The conversation had strayed into uncomfortable territory, and she was glad when he said, in what she thought must be a deliberate attempt to row back into safer waters, ‘I cannot imagine what time it might be, but surely it must be not far off the dinner hour.’
‘I think I heard the clock striking six a little while ago,’ she murmured without thinking, and then blushed when he laughed at her. He seemed to be genuinely amused rather than offended.
‘I will take good care to distract you better next time, madam! You put me on my mettle. But if you are right, we should get up and dress for dinner, should we not?’
She agreed and they parted, but he gave her a long, lingering kiss before he let her go. ‘Till later, Georgie,’ he said, and the gleam in his silver eyes told her that he was back in the ironical mood that was so familiar to her.
33
In a surprisingly short space of time, the newlyweds found themselves alone in the mansion in York, save for the discreet and admirably trained servants. They had celebrated with their assembled families that first evening, Georgie trying her best to ignore the odiously quizzing looks both Louisa and Miss Spry gave her when they gathered, rather later than had been planned, around the dinner table. Hal and Cassandra left for Skipton the next day; they would remain there, he told her, for at least another few weeks before they returned to London. ‘Do you think I need you nearby?’ she asked him half-jokingly as they parted.
‘I don’t know if you do, Georgie, but I will be in any case.’
‘My disasters are no longer your concern,’ she said, suddenly a little tearful.
‘I hope there will be no more disasters, but if there are, you know where I am.’
They embraced, and Cassandra and Bastian both hugged her too, and whispered, ‘Write to me!’ in her ear, and then all three of them were gone.
Louisa and Miss Spry took their departure the next day. Georgie had seized a moment to walk alone in the garden with Jane before their departure, and had asked her what her immediate plans were. ‘Marriage,’ she had replied, with a smile that tried for droll and landed instead on uncertain.
