She made no answer, and he swore violently. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he said at last. ‘I have never known such uncertainty. I can release you from our betrothal – of course I can. Today, or in a week, or a month. We can insert a conventional announcement of our engagement in the papers directly, and then another a while later, saying that it has been called off. It will be understood that you have jilted me, and I can live with that if I must. I could say… Georgiana, this is an impossible position to be in. If I say your reputation may suffer some damage as a result, if you reject me after the way we were seen together at the ball, you will reply that of course it is to my advantage to point that out. That is so, but it does not make it untrue.’
‘I do not know that I care so very much for my reputation just now. My brother may feel differently, of course.’
‘Let us not bring others into this any more than we need. I do not give a fig for your brother’s feelings, or your aunt’s, or even my sister’s. But Georgiana, if you mean to refuse me, that is of course your right, but you know I must look elsewhere, and quickly. However much I sicken at the thought of it.’
‘I have ruined everything for you!’ she cried as sudden cold realisation hit her. ‘Oh, God, but I have. Your house party, all your arrangements, all of it wasted. And if I did as you suggest, you would be obliged to court another woman immediately. But what decent family would want a man who has so recently been betrothed to someone else in scandalous circumstances, and then soon after jilted for mysterious reasons that surely could not be to his credit? It would mean that your choice of bride must surely be made from those who are solely concerned with your position and your fortune. And you will be tied to such a woman for life, and it will be my fault!’
‘How can I possibly answer you?’ he said, his voice constricted. ‘Whoever should own the blame, or even if there should be no blame to apportion, everything else you say is true. And yet you know I desire to marry you and no other woman in the world. Just you. Beyond that bare fact, what on earth can I say?’
She was crying now, salt tears pouring down her face and making her eyes and lips sting in the sharp breeze. He swore again when he saw, and took her by the shoulders. ‘Georgiana, I could say I do not want you as a sacrifice. Christ knows I do not want you to marry me for some noble and misguided reasons against your will. I have said a dozen times that I do not want an unwilling bride, and least of all if that bride is you. I would prefer you come to me of your own free choice. But if I must be completely honest with you, now that we are speaking of it, I know that for my part I do not have the strength to be noble. Do not expect it of me, I beg you, for if you expect it you will be disappointed.’
She looked up at him questioningly through drenched lashes.
He said bluntly, ‘I mean that I will take you on any terms I am offered.’
‘If my brother should force me – but he would not – you would still take me on those terms?’ she sniffed.
‘I fear I would. No – I know I would. On those terms, on any terms, as long as I can have you.’ He took out his handkerchief and wiped her face, but the gentleness of his touch in contrast with the stark nature of his words just made her weep the more, until he took her in his arms and let her sob her distress and confusion out into his shoulder.
At last she drew away from him a little and tried to regain her composure. ‘I can’t do any more of this now. It is too exhausting. I will have my brother to face soon enough.’
‘I am sorry for it. I am not in the least acquainted with him, though I believe I know him by sight. He is tall, is he not, one of the younger Corinthian set, with the dark hair and striking bright blue eyes you Pendleburys all seem to share? I have always thought, if indeed I thought about it at all, that he seemed amiable enough. My poor girl, is he in truth so very terrible and stern? I will protect you, if I can. If we engineer matters so that he sees me first and has his fill of abusing me – as he is entitled to do – before he has a chance for a private interview with you…’
Georgie laughed at the picture thus presented to her, glad of the lightening of mood after so much intensity. ‘He’s not terrible at all, and anything but stern. He is the best of brothers, and even when I got myself in a terrible tangle last year he barely censured me as almost any other man would have done. It’s not that I’m afraid of him in the least. The idea is ridiculous. I’m just ashamed.’
‘Of what we have done?’ His face was closed now, unreadable to her once more. ‘Of being caught, and exposed to public embarrassment? I suppose that is reasonable.’
‘Not that, or not exactly that. Of the trouble I have caused him, now and in the past. You know that we were orphaned eight years ago, and poor Hal – who was barely one and twentythen – was obliged to take care of all five of us, at an age when most other young men care for nothing but their own pleasure. Bastian has always been well-behaved, but I have been a constant trial, and the younger boys are monsters. It would take me all day to tell you of the mischief that they have caused.’ She gave a little hiccup of laughter. ‘Jonathan and Hugh once tried to stow away on a ship of the line, and almost caused an international incident.’
‘You have four brothers?’
‘Five, and no sisters. Alice Templeton thinks that’s why I am not scared of you.’
‘Perhaps it is, at that. I imagine growing up with five brothers could have that effect. I only had one myself, two years younger, and a much older half-sister.’
‘I did not know you and Lady Blanche were not full siblings.’
He shrugged. ‘It makes no difference to us. We have always been as close as our age-gap permitted. I have visited her every year in Ireland, or she has come here.’
‘Sir…’
‘I think by now you may be allowed to call me Gabriel, you know, my dear.’
‘Gabriel, then, I am sorry. I cannot repeat it often enough, I think. For saying that I had lost a husband at Waterloo, that whole ridiculous story, when you had lost your brother and your cousin there. It was unforgiveable of me.’
‘How could you know? I do not regard it, I assure you. You meant no harm.’
‘I never mean any harm, but still I cause it. It’s just another example of my thoughtlessness. I have sworn a hundred times to do better, but still I keep on making these reckless errors.’
‘You think our marriage is another such? No! No, it is my turn to apologise. Do not answer that. I know you are weary of these endless discussions, and you have more to face later. Letus walk on, and talk of something else. You will catch cold if we stand here any longer.’
She agreed readily, and they walked on across the lonely beach, her arm through his, and talked of lighter matters for a while, to the relief of them both. One could not live at such a pitch for ever, and there would be more challenges to face soon enough.
25
Henry, Lord Irlam, arrived at Northriding Castle, driving his own racing curricle, well after the dinner hour, his tall, imposing African groom Jem Oldcastle at his side. He descended stiffly from his two-wheeler, Jem took the reins, and a footman came out to climb up beside him and direct him to the coach house and stables. As Hal handed his beaver hat and mud-splashed many-caped greatcoat to the butler, he saw his aunt Louisa descending the great staircase. She had obviously been watching out for his curricle from one of the windows that overlooked the courtyard. ‘Hal!’ she said. ‘At last. Lady Blanche has asked me to tell you that a room is made up for you, and I am to say that the Duke awaits you in his study if you should care to see him tonight; if you are too tired now he will meet with you in the morning, when you have rested.’
‘I would be glad of it, God knows,’ replied her nephew wearily. ‘That was an atrocious journey on frightful roads, and we were nearly overset half a dozen times. I’ve never heard Jem curse so in all the years I’ve known him, and I learned some terrible new words I was tempted to use myself. I am aching all over, and if my teeth have not rattled out of my head it isa wonder. But I should see Northriding now, much as I would rather not.’
