I blinked back the threatening tears, hating this. It didn’t matter that I’d never meant to hurt him when it was exactly what I’d done.
I loved him—his heart and kindness and easy nature. I loved how he looked after the girls and teased them. I lovedthe relationship we’d built. I just . . . I loved him dearly and missed him just as much.
“He’s confused because he still cares very much for both of you, but he feels betrayed, and it’s hurting him immensely. If what you both told him is true, then I think it would help him to see that Elias didn’t murder his father, but acted because he feared for his mate’s life. The spell will allow me to absorb his emotions and his thought processes. I can do the same with you, Teddy. I think if he can see it wasn’t premeditated, if he can feel Elias’s remorse . . . I honestly don’t know, but maybe it will help him find some solace. Some. ..peace. I know you miss him, Ted, and I know you’re hurting over hurting him, and I don’t know if him seeing these memories will help rebuild the bond you had. But it might provide a space from which he can start to heal.”
Nodding, I wiped away my tears. “I’ll do whatever you think might help him. I don’t expect him to forgive me.” I paused when my throat thickened. “I don’t expect him to want me back in his life. I want him to be okay. That’s all I want.”
If he could find healing or solace in this mess Elias and I had created, it’d be worth it.
“Will this harm the babes?” Elias asked.
“Elias,” I warned.
“I have to ask,mo elma.”Remorse shone in his pale violet eyes. “Don’t be upset with me for having to ask. I know you’ll still do it, but I’d rather we do it with Leah present in case something happens.”
With my shoulders sagging, I lifted my hand to catch another tear. I sniffled, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the chill that leached in my bones.
“I don’t think?—”
“It won’t harm the babes,” Alastor said, interrupting Brenton. “Neither of you has to do anything. If Brenton will allow it, I can use his blood, which is bonded to Teddy. Teddy’s bond to Elias will join all of you. You won’t have to relive the memories, and it shouldn’t take more than a few beats.”
“Okay,” Brenton said.
“Okay,” Elias and I repeated.
“I’ll have to rummage through your memories,” Alastor said. “I promise not to look at any memory that isn’t relevant to this.”
“Take whatever you need,” I told him. “I trust you.”
I didn’t care if he took every single one of my memories and offered them to Javier. This—the possibility of him finding any sort of peace over how he lost his father—was a far greater gift than I could imagine. Alastor could strip me bare, offer every one of my sins and mistakes to him, and I wouldn’t balk as long as it helped him.
He was a good kid. A great young man who deserved far better than what life had given him. I couldn’t change the past. I couldn’t offer him a better future. But I hoped this would help him forge his own way to something better for himself.
Chapter
Thirty-Five
ELIAS
“You’re sure about this?”Alastor asked.
“Rummage and take whatever you think will help him,” I said.
Whatever would allow Javier to . . . I didn’t know exactly. Could anyone ever recover from such betrayal? I knew I’d never forgive my parents for what they did to Niev and her people. My whole life had been a lie. And, Guardians, even I hadn’t healed yet, but I was an adult with years of life that helped me see the bigger picture. Javier was only a young man. And my betrayal held so many layers.How could he ever trust anyone again after such deceit?
It was one of the reasons I wanted him to forgive Teddy so badly. If he had Teddy, if he had her goodness, maybe he could feel a semblance of peace that I felt when I was near her. He’d still have a sense of the family he’d built after his parents had died.
I couldn’t imagine him ever wanting to see or speak to me again. It hurt.
I’d killed, and I’d lied, and I’d taken what wasn’t mine totake. Yet, I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to give back any of the moments I’d shared with either him or the girls.
Once Alastor took out his white bowl, he sat in front of the couch. Piercing the tip of Brenton’s finger, he instructed Brenton to release three drops of blood. I didn’t recognize the words Alastor spoke, but Teddy’s body warmed as he said them, and she finally stopped trembling.
Although Alastor said the spell wouldn’t harm Teddy or the boys, I kept a watchful eye on her while I listened to my sons’ heartbeats. By the way Brenton stared at Teddy’s stomach, I knew he did the same.
To think I’d once been jealous of Teddy taking his blood to complete their sibling bond. While I still didn’t like the idea of her sharing a piece of her soul with him, Teddy freely shared a piece of herself with those she loved. Their bond wasn’t much different from what she already offered to her family and friends. And there was comfort in knowing that Brenton would always watch out for her if I couldn’t.
“It is done,” Alastor said, his voice unusually shaky. He coughed to clear his throat. “Would you like me to tell you the memories I’ve absorbed?”
