Her hand fell to her side. “Elias pulled himself out of his primal instincts before I forgave him.”
He scoffed. “How long did it take you to forgive him for killing my dad?” His voice trembled harder while he tried to keep his emotions at bay, but I knew it wouldn’t be long until the first tears finally fell. “A month, maybe?”
“She would never have forgiven me if it weren’t for the soulmate bond.” It was a lie, but I offered it anyway, hoping he’d grasp it and allow Teddy to stay in his life. Allow the girls to stay with her and. ..I could live elsewhere.
But Teddy had forgiven me with her side of the bond broken. She’d forgiven me even though I hadn’t deserved it, and I’d latched on to that forgiveness as if it’d somehow save me.
Javier wiped his cheeks. “You killed my dad.” Sniffling, he pointed his chin toward me before he looked at Teddy. “You love the man who killed my dad.”
“Javier—”
“I’m going to stay with Alastor until I join the military school,” he said, wiping his cheeks again. “I won’t tell my sisters because as much as I hate you both for what you did, I know I can’t take care of them the way you can. I tried, and we almost starved. I still want to see them, but when I see them, I don’t want to see you.” Fury raged when he looked at methrough tear-filled eyes.
I gave him a jerky nod. “I’ll leave whenever you come over.” I ran a hand over my face. “I’ll-I’ll move out if you want to stay here with Teddy and the girls.”
“I don’t want to live with either of you.” It came out with such malice that Teddy drew in a sharp breath.
“I understand,” she whispered. “I don’t have to be here either when you see the girls. Or if-or if you want to stay here with your sisters by yourself, you can. We’ll move somewhere else and make sure y’all have whatever you need. You should be with the girls if that’s what you want.”
“I want none of this to have happened.” Javier let out a small sob as he wrapped his arms over his chest. His whole body shook, but he kept his head up. “I want the girls with you. They’re happier with you.” He wiped his nose. “I still want to meet the boys. I—” Staring at Teddy, he took a steady breath. “I still want to be a part of their lives.”
“I want that too,” Teddy said. “I want the boys to have you in their lives.”
With a nod, he wiped away another tear. “Can I stay the night? I’ll leave after I make breakfast for the girls.”
“You have every right to be furious with us,” Teddy said, her voice quavering. “You have every right to hate us. I’m sorry for what we did to you and your sisters. I will always be sorry for it, and I will always love you. You have a room here whenever you want, whether it’s tonight or any other time. Okay?”
She held her trembling hand to her chest. Every part of me wanted to hug her close, but I’d done enough damage. I didn’t want Javier to see me comfort her and align her even more with me.
He didn’t reply but stared at our hardwood floor while his jaw worked back andforth.
“I’ll sleep at George and Everly’s house tonight so you’re more comfortable,” I said.
Although he nodded, he said, “I’m not comfortable here, regardless of whether you leave or stay. This isn’t my home. I don’t think it ever was.”
With that, he turned to walk to his room. When he stepped into the hallway, Teddy came to me and wound her arms around my waist while a sob tore from her soul. She shook in my arms, and when I scooped her up to carry her to our bed, her sobs came stronger.
I wasn’t sure what to say or do to make any of this right. So I held her, rocking her back and forth while I stroked her back and kissed her hair. I stayed like that for a long time, long after she’d finally fallen asleep. I soaked her in, took in all that goodness that was Teddy, and let it settle in my throbbing chest. Before the sun rose, I put her on our mattress and covered her up. After a soft kiss on her cheek, I left.
For hours, I wandered the woods I’d always loved. I hiked over fallen limbs and raised roots. I climbed the small hill, breathing in the fresh snowfall as my lungs burned with the exertion.
It’d been too long since I’d given myself entirely to any physical activity. Too often, I had relied on my magic, and while I still missed it, I would always miss it; I enjoyed not relying on it that morning.
When I reached the edges of the frozen lake, Nalari coasted down. I wasn’t sure how long she’d been following me. I hadn’t even sensed her presence, but when she landed in a nearby clearing and settled at the shore beside me, I felt a hint of peace settle over me.
I still had Teddy. I still had Nalari. For the time being, I still had the girls.
My only hope was that somehow Javier would find some peace in all of this. He didn’t have to forgive me—I didn’t expect him to—but I feared what living with this would do to him.
“I won’t tell my sisters because as much as I hate you both for what you did, I know I can’t take care of them the way you can. I don’t want to see you. I’m not comfortable here, regardless of whether you leave or stay. This isn’t my home. I don’t think it ever was.”
His words were like a knife to my ever-breaking heart. He wasn’t wrong. We were guilty of everything he said.
He’d trusted us—George, Teddy, and me—and we’d used that trust to build a relationship that would only end up hurting him.
And now . . .we’d lost him.
Chapter
