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Harrison

Can’t relate. Just me and my hand over here. But thanks. Now I’ll overthink every future orgasm for the rest of my life. #bedroomfailure #drysex

Oliver

YOU STARTED THIS, BARRETT. You turned sex into a competitive water sport.

Me

I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I’m sorry she’s loud and your girls listen.

Griffin

Layken said “Well if Blakely can do it, maybe I just need a goalie too.” Should I be concerned?? Should I call Zeke Miller over in Chicago and ask him if he has the gift as well? Is it a goalie thing?

August

Ella texted me a link to a pressure point diagram. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! I’M A HOCKEY PLAYER NOT A PLUMBER.

Bodhi

Corrigan ordered a tutorial. I’m terrified.

Ledger

Okay but real talk, how’d you do it?

Me

Focus. Angles. Timing. Dedication. And apparently an irrational amount of leg strength. #goaliethighs

Harrison

Cool. I’ll go lift weights and cry.

Oliver

I hate you a little. Respectfully.

August

Is this our Roman Empire now?

Griffin

Barrett Cunningham: Destroyer of Dry Sheets. Wrecker of Relationships. King of the Gush.

Barrett

Should I bring towels to the next team meeting?

Ledger

You bring towels. I’m bringing snacks. This is gonna be a show.

BLAKELY

Blakely changed the group chat name to Ice Queens After Dark