“Wow.” Sam gave a slow nod. “That sure beats living with your parents in Binstead. I can see why you want the job.”
Paul snorted again. “I’d have taken the job if it would have meant moving to a council house in Ryde, guys. You havenoidea what it’s been like recently at home.”
“Aww, you been finding it tough living with the parents again after being a student and having your freedom?” Mark teased.
“My dad got pissed off having me under his feet all the time, and he kept telling me to find a job,anyjob. Okay, so I made the decision to wait until a job turned up that was more related to my studies,” he said defensively. Only thing was, jobs on the island were mostly seasonal. “He saw the ad for this position before I did, and basically threw the newspaper at me, with a big red circle around it.” The message had been crystal clear.
Apply for it. Yesterday.
Both Mark and Sam laughed. Mark leaned forward. “Sam’s right, y’know. You need a man.” Then he chuckled. “Well, specifically, you need to get laid.”
Paul heaved a sigh. “We’ve had this conversation.”
“And we’re gonna have it again,” Mark said, a stubborn glint in his eyes. “You’re twenty-five, Paul. It’s not normal.”
“Hey, wait a minute,” Sam interjected. “Have you forgotten something? I was almost the same age as Paul when you and I met, andIwas a virgin.” He grinned. “Andsomeonenot a million miles away was really wary of bottoming, because?—”
“Hush, you.” Mark put his hand over Sam’s mouth. “This is not the place to be talking about that.” Slowly he removed his hand. Sam’s grin was still in evidence. “Okay,” he conceded, “so it’s nottotallyunheard of to get to Paul’s age and?—”
“Can younottalk about me as if I’m not sitting here?” Paul said with a huff. He lowered his voice. “And for your information, I’mnota virgin.”
“Hand-jobs in the toilets of a gay bar don’t count,” Mark responded promptly.
Damn Mark and his memory. “Do youeverforget a conversation?”
“Nope.” Mark sat back with a smug expression on his face. “Blow jobs don’t count either. And beforeyousay a word,” he said, digging Sam in the ribs with his elbow, “yes, Iknowblow jobs are sex, but I seem to recallsomeonearound here saying that in his mind, sex was actual… penetration.” If possible, his smile grew even more smug as he turned back to Paul. “So in my mind, you’re still a virgin.”
“Mark’s right, but for all the wrong reasons as usual,” Sam said. Paul peered at him inquiringly and Sam blushed. He took a glance at the surrounding tables and their occupants before leaning forward, his gaze focused on Paul. “It’s not like when a girl loses her virginity. I mean, there’s no barrier, or anything. But joining yourself to someone like that, it’s… Well,Ithink it’s an emotional experience, and yes, there’s an emotional barrier to overcome. You’re connected, as deeply connected as it’s possible for two people to be.” He nudged his partner. “And if Paul feels he wants to wait until he’s ready to make that connection, then it’s his choice. It may well be he doesn’twantthat connection, and that’s fine too.”
There was silence for a moment.
Mark stared at his lover, lips parted. “If we weren’t sitting in a pub right now, Sam Prince, I would kiss yousohard.” Sam’s cheeks were flushed.
Paul regarded Sam fondly. “You make a lot of sense, you know that?” He turned to Mark. “But as it happens, you’re both wrong. I’m going to say something now to put you straight, andthen that will be an end to it. I meant it when I said I’m not a virgin. I’ve had sex, okay? I’ve bottomed—twice, actually.Notthat it’s any of your business.” He glared at Mark.
That was as far as he was prepared to go. He’d long ago concluded that if his friends could see whatreallywent on inside his head, they’d look at him differently. It was easier to say nothing. Because if Mark got so much as a sniff of Paul’s tastes, he’d be like a terrier trying to get at a rat: he wouldn’t leave it alone until he had the full story, and Paul couldn’t handle that.
Besides, right then his new job took precedence.
He folded his arms across his chest and met Mark’s gaze. “And ifI’mhappy, then we have nothing further to discuss. End of conversation.” When Mark opened his mouth to protest, Paul held up his hand. “I mean it. Okay?”
Mark’s gaze met his. “Okay,” he said at last. He drained the rest of his beer. “It’s your round anyway.” He grinned. “Off you go.”
Shaking his head, Paul rose and headed toward the bar, his heart pounding. He hated it when his friends brought up his sex life. Ever since he’d first set foot in that club…
Paul closed his eyes and stood frozen for a second. Scenes flashed behind his closed lids, and he recalled grunts and groans, the smell of sex filling the air. Slaps and cries from the men who were doing unspeakable things to each other…
Except they didn’tstayunspeakable things, did they?And they’d certainly opened a door in Paul’s mind, one he kept peering around from time to time, wanting to see more. And on more than one occasion, he’d gone through that door.
He liked what he’d found there.
It had completely altered his view of sex, not that he could share that with his friends. They wouldn’t understand. Mark and Sam, Taylor and David, they all seemed so… normal, compared to what lurked in the recesses of Paul’s mind. He knew hewouldn’t find what he was looking for on the island, so he’d have to make do with a paler imitation. But the price he paid for compromise was a sex life that didn’t fulfil him. More than that, it left him starving. His first couple of experiences of sex had been… disappointing. There’d been no connection, not like Sam had spoken about. Paul had come to the conclusion there was a lot of hype about sex, and it hadn’t lived up to his expectations.
It’s just not for me. He’d make do with his hand, and maybe an amenable, enthusiastic mouth now and again.
Of course, he might be willing to change his mind, if the right guy came along. Someone good looking and sexy, who made Paul ache in all the right places. Someone who wanted to be a permanent fixture in his life. Someone with the same dark hunger inside them.
For some reason, his mind went to Adam Kent. Then he dismissed the thought.
