“Yep. The real question is, are you?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Taking a leap doesn’t scare me, J. I’m just waiting to see where you stand on that.”
I glance between him and the water, knowing he’s not talking about cliff jumping but not knowing how to answer his question. “What if taking a leap terrifies me?”
Because it does. Rome terrifies me. Yes, the idea of Ri and my mom finding out and twisting the bond we shared into something ugly picks at my brain constantly, but the real fear? The real fear is Rome himself. His dick has already branded my pussy making her useless to anyone else, including my damn self, and it’s only been a week. If we keep going, I’m bound to catch feelings and then what? We try to make it work in the real world where we barely have time to breathe as it is? I have too much going on, too much I’m working toward to be able to afford the inevitable heartbreak Rome will bring me.
“My advice? Do it anyway.”
“That’s it? That’s your profound advice? If something scares you, do it anyway?”
“Yep. If you don’t do things that scare you, how can you say you’ve really lived? Me personally? I want to look back on my life and know I was brave enough to do the things that brought me joy despite the risks, even if they didn’t work out.”
Here he goes, making me question every decision I’ve ever made. My thoughts drift to Labor of Love. I’ve spent over a year just thinking about making a move on it and yet I still haven’t. Why? Because if I fail, I will not only have let myself down, but tons of Black women in need. Sharing the expansion part of the idea with Rome gave it wings and yet the idea of going for it still makes me cower in fear.
“Jump with me, J.” He holds his hand out to me, waiting patiently.
I can’t answer him about the leap he really wants me to take right now, but I can give him this. I grab his hand and we back up to get a running start, diving into the waiting waters.
When we come up for air, Rome moves toward me with a determined gleam in his eye. I panic under his scrutiny, dipping my head under the water and holding my breath until my lungs constrict. When I break the surface, Rome’s nowhere to be found.
Rome’s words have haunted me since we left the tour, sticking to me like glue and infecting my every thought.
He kept his distance from me for the ATV ride back and I didn’t see him again until the group dinner. He excused himself to his room after, not interested in small talk with anyone.
We could very well spend the rest of this vacation together and then completely cut ties. We could attempt some semblance of dating after this, and it could all fall apart. But even if that happens, is that a reason to not enjoy each other while we can?
We get each other and we make each other feel good. I’m over here going through phantom orgasms and for what?
The answer that was so solid in my mind before is now muddy and unfocused.
I pull Evie to the side, wanting to unburden myself to the person I trust the most. “I need to tell you something.”
Her eyes practically jump out of her head. “Tell me, tell me.”
“I was sleeping with Rome for most of this trip.”
Her lids sink and her lips turn to a scowl. “Oh. I didn’t know we were filming another episode of‘Things I Already Know,’but okay. So?”
What the fuck?“What do you mean things you already know? How could you possibly have known?”
She crosses her arms. “Because I’m not a dumbass? Y’all have been giving off‘we’re fucking’vibes from the very beginning.”
“If that were true, how come everyone else doesn’t know?” Aside from Micah, but I don’t need to share that with her right now.
“I’m the only one paying attention, I guess. Also, I saw you come out of his room one night.”
“Evie! You could’ve told me that.”
She shrugs. “I was letting you live your best life. But trust and believe if you hadn’t told me the moment we got back home I would’ve pressed your ass. My question is why did you say‘was’like past tense?”
I fill her in on the arrangement we made and how it came to an end. She seems completely unaffected by my story, not bothering to ask any questions along the way.
“Well?” I urge, once finished.
“Well what?”
