Buzzing from the drink, I venture further into the house. There are so many people at this party I realize once I make my way around. I’ve seen Cacey and Dane but have yet to see Chance. Subconsciously, I find myself looking for him. I head to the second floor, telling myself I just want a little solitude from the party, while continuing to search the crowd below. Chance is still nowhere to be found, and I’ve been looking everywhere. I even see Josh looking around for me. But as soon as he turns in my direction I back away out of sight, hitting a door that gives a little. Before I can turn around, I hear giggling from the cracked door. Then some female’s voice crooning Chance’s name. My heart sinks a little when I hear his voice encouraging her to keep doing whatever she’s doing.They obviously didn't notice when I bumped the door, and I can see that they’re not shy,with the amount of lightthat’s in the room. It takes all of two seconds for my curiosity to get the best of me as I dare to look inside.
Ever hear the saying curiosity kills the cat? Well, most times it's not in the literal sense, but at this moment I wish I wasn’t so curious. Because my heart immediately drops, and I die a little on the inside when I see Chance sitting in the middle of the bed with his back against the headboard. He has a dark-haired girl face down in his lap.Frozen, I get caught up staring at him, looking down at her with his hand in her hair. They’re still not aware of my presence, but then Chance seems to realize someone's watching because he snaps his head up to look around, stopping when his eyes meet mine.
Somehow, I’m not dying of embarrassment when he sees me.He still has the girl by the hair and I'm willing myself to move anywhere at this point.As sick as I feel, I'm still staring as her refuses to do so much as blink while staring back at me. He licks his lips and becomes more aroused by the pleasure he's receiving, and by my apparent uneasiness.We’re stuck in a battle of wills as always, but it gets really awkward for me when I realize he's now mid-orgasm, and the girl hasn’t so much as come up for air. My vision blurs as tears fill my eyes. I know any progress gained between Chance and I over the summer has now been lost. I forget everything else, including the boy I came with, and make a decision I'm sure I'll eventually regret. But I’ve got to get out of here.
Chance
I can't pick my head up, but something tingling in the back of my mind won’t let me continue my sleep. I look at the clock, realizing it’s already two in the afternoon and the day after my graduation night. Cacey's somewhere in the house yelling. Ms. Wilde is also there, frantic. And my dad sounds like he's trying to talk them off a ledge. That would be any normal Saturday, except today he has a harder edge to his voice.
Besides my obvious headache-riddled hangover, I feel good, but cringe when I recall last night's events. I remember being in a guest room at Dane’s house with a girl from our rival school, when suddenly Alexa barges through the door.Not so gracefully.At first I thought to ignore her presence, not knowing what to do. And just continue to look down at my companion’s dark tresses.That may or may not have reminded me of Alexa.But then after she kept watching, I thought what the hell, and made eye contact. Wishing that it was her dark locks spread out across my lap and praying that she hadn't already been in this position with Josh.
When I'm finally able to make my way downstairs, I see Cacey and Ms. Wilde crying in my father’s office, while he’s speaking to someone on the phone. They're so upset they don't even notice me in the room until my dad hangs up, acknowledging me and telling us that sometime overnight, Alexa packed up and left for New York, which was always her plan just two months earlier than anyone expected. Fuck. My. Life.
Present Day
Alex
My body is screamingin pain, and I’m going numb mentally and physically. Mentally the numbness is my safe place where nothing or no one can hurt me. But physically I’m numb from the pain and the chill of the granite floor.After enduring his worst, I’m oddly relieved that it’s over. My heart's still beating, and I can still draw breath. Sighing, I relax and find peace in my safe place. My only thought is I made it. It’s kind of sad really but I’m content in my hopelessness. I feel like this is it for me. I can maintain status quo... work... sleep... eat and just get by.
I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here, staring into space. Not feeling any particular emotion. But I’m abruptly pulled back to reality when I realize the moisture on the side of my face is my blood and not tears. This isn’t the first time this has happened by a long shot, but something about tonight won’t allow me to stay in my safe place.All at once every drop of emotion that I work so hard to bottle up comes pouring out like a live wire, connecting with every feeling imaginable. I feel anger, sadness, terror, and anxiousness, but frustration is most prominent.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know what happened is not my fault. I’m just so frustrated at how I let it get to this point. I mean, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to leave… but I can never bring myself to do it and I just don’t get it. There’s nothing holding me here, no marriage, no kids. Just the security of money and the fact that I fear what may happen to me if I try to leave. In short, I’m greedy and weak… but not naïve, because I’ve always known it would not get better. I’ve just never cared enough to take the chance… until now.
I draw on all the strength I can muster from the Alex of old not knowing how much time I have. I ignore the ache in my legs and pain shooting up my back, moving as quickly as I can, pulling a hooded jacket over my bloodied shirt. With just my keys, purse and cell phone… I run out of the apartment, leaving everything I own behind.As I head for the parking garage, I decide to take the stairs, even though we live on the tenth floor. By necessity, I go this way to avoid Pearce. My neighbors are staring but I couldn’t care less. Fuck them all. They should continue to look the other way as they've done all these years. I mean, I look crazy I’ll admit, in my large shades, hooded jacket, yoga pants, slippers and hair matted to the side of my head. But that’s not the point.
By the time I get to the fifth floor, I’m winded and a bit dizzy, faltering. This may be a bad idea. But I refuse to stop. I make it to the garage and I do a quick scan to make sure Pearce hasn’t come back early before running to my car. If I’m being honest, I know he’s with someone else right now and will probably be gone all night. It's become a pattern. He picks a fight, then goes tocool off. Pushing that thought out of my mind, I hit the ATM, getting as much cash as I can from every card I have before I head southbound.
The 95 South sign tothe highway has me amped. I’ve finally left him. The thought of what’s to come is extremely liberating and terrifying at the same time. I no longer have to walk on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but starting from scratch without a plan is a bit unsettling because I always have a plan... always!
Weighing my options, I decide I can’t stay in the city, or go back to work for that matter. There are no family and friends to speak of, which is pretty sad because it wasn’t always like this. I mean, I’ve never had a large family, but I had my grandma, and a few friends before my grandma died. Somehow, I’ve just lost touch with everything and everyone from my past over the years. I’m thinking I should just stay holed up in a hotel until I decide what to do, because I’ve worked too hard to move back to North Carolina with nothing. The last time I was there I buried my grandma, and I remember after that day vowing to never return. I look at my face in the rearview and cry as I think about what I went through to get to this point. It’s embarrassing. Knowing what my options are, I push back my pride and call the last non-Pearce or work-related contact in my phone. I try to gather myself when I hear a voice that I haven’t heard in two years…
“Hello?” the person answers, sounding curious and cheerful all at once. I hear background noise that sounds like a party is going on. This is a bad idea and definitely not a good time.I want to hang up, but instead I swallow my pride to answer the voice on the other end of the line.
“Hello Cacey, it’s Alex. I need your help….”
Chance
Five hundred milesaway and ten years later, Alexa Wilde could still fuck up a wet dream. I don’t know what information she has on my sister… but when she calls, Cacey jumps. After agreeing to be my wingman tonight, Cacey’s now breaking her neck to get out the door.
“What was that all about?”
“Um… I need to head home. You ready?” Cacey says, ignoring my question, while looking towards the door.
“Whatever Cacey. Your so-calledfrienddoesn’t call or come around for years, now out of the blue she calls, and you jump. Take the truck. I’ll just catch a ride later.” I’m slightly disgusted with my sister for being so gullible and myself for taking my frustration out on her. But this is Alexa we’re talking about.
As Cacey stalks out of the bar, I immediately regret how I spoke to her. She can’t help the fact that she’s loyal to a fault and has crap taste in friends. I don’t bother following her out or calling to make amends, because I know I’ll get nowhere with her regarding Alexa. And even if I did, Cacey would still tell me nothing. She knows how I feel about her friend, or at least she thinks she does. The girl was the bane of my existence for most of my childhood. If she wasn’t trying to show me up, she was making it her business to tell anyone who would listen about my man-whoring ways. After ten years of little to no contact with her, outside of her grandmother's funeral, I thought I would be over this resentment and anger that I have towards her. Apparently not. For a second, I consider calling it a night, but then I catch sight of the familiar petite blonde coming through the door and figure my night may be looking up.
Alex
After driving through the night, I pull onto the familiar street just after 8:00 am and I’m blown away by the changes made to the neighborhood. The last time I was here, Cacey bought this rundown row of townhomes that were in what she called a transitional neighborhood and was determined to revive them to their former glory. As I sit here now looking at her ultimate vision, I’m close to tears because this was typical Cacey. Always looking beyond the tattered mess, finding beauty in it, embracing it and elevating it. Take me, for instance. I was the poor awkward girl living over the garage with my grandmother, the live-in nanny slash housekeeper to her and her twin brother Chance. Sure, we were thrown together by circumstance, but friendship is not always a given. We took to each other instantly, while her brother and I repelled each other like oil and water. I’m pretty sure he hates me even now.
When I pull up to the unit, I see out of the eight townhomes that were previously there, there are nowsix. Four of the townhomes look similar to the original size and design but there are two larger ones on each end that are now double the size of the other four. I don’t bother looking in the mirror. I know I look a mess. But when I step out of the car, I don’t expect the horrified expression on Cacey’s face as she runs out of the house in her pajamas. It must be worse than I thought. Taking a deep breath, I paste on the biggest smile I can muster and meet her halfway. By the time we make it inside, Cacey is in tears and I’m grateful we didn’t have this reunion in the driveway. “Oh my God, are you ok?!” she sobs.
“I’m fine, Cacey. Just need a shower and some sleep. I’m beat.”No pun intended, but I WAS beat, and I don’t think I can talk about it right now, so I play it off as ajoke instead. Registering the expression on my face, Cacey tries to gather herself and nods.
“Ok, Ok, everything will be fine. We can talk later. Do you have to get anything from your car?”I wish.
“Nope, I sort of left a hurry.” I say with a laugh, trying to make our conversation as light as possible, so Cacey won’t worry. No, I don’t feel like laughing, but right now I prefer that, over spilling my guts and airing out my dirty laundry so soon.I just want to sleep.
