Eventually, I calmed myself enough to think about my choice, but the guilt never faded. I didn’t think it ever would.
I went through so much in Elora to save my mom, and now look at her. I didn’t save her—I condemned her. All because Michael wanted my life and to possess my mom. A mom who now lay unconscious in the king’s rooms. I haven’t even tried to visit her after the first time. The shame and weight of how little I knew about the worlds she kept me from—no! That I keptmyselffrom—put us in this situation. I should’ve tried harder to find and unlock her books. I should’ve never believed Michael would do what I wanted.
Why didn’t I trust my instincts? Why didn’t I know more?
I slammed my hands on the carpet.
And Aspen. The first male to capture my heart was being abused and used by an evil bitch. His mom asked me to save him. I told myselfI’d find the general and save him! Everything inside me pulsed with the urgency to rescue him. So much so—I’d put him before my mom.
But how?
A slobbery, warm tongue slid up the side of my cheek, taking away my tears but leaving a wet line of saliva. I looked up at Rune and her illuminated golden eyes.
“I said not to follow me.”
Rune licked my other salty cheek in response.
“I wasn’t running away to join Lilith’s little gang, if that’s why your spy hound is here.”
Rune sat back on her haunches, and they watched me. It seemed unfair that he could see and potentially hear everything I said or did, but I only had Rune’s head tilts to contend with—and I couldn’t be irritated with her. Worse, I had no energy left to force them to leave.
“You probably think I’m weak right now. A weak, scrawny little girl, crying on a carpet.” I bowed my head, no longer willing to look at those illuminated eyes, and stared into my hands. “I just want to save the people I love, Ronen. That’s all.”
I realized I hadn’t used his title, but it wasn’t like he was here to discipline or berate me for it.
“I want to be strong enough to do what it takes to save and protect everyone who means something to me. I’d never join Lilith. I’d rather die than be part of her plans. I didn’t know about any of this or the rune.”
My voice cracked, and I swallowed back the ache in my throat. “I didn’t know it would put her in a coma. The king and Aspen are right. I am floundering,” I whispered, lifting my head to Rune.
The mosaic doors rearranged behind her, revealing a scene that would be burned into my mind forever. I dug my nails into my trembling palms. It was one thing to live through it—another entirely to see it captured in such stark, cruel detail.
If I hadn’t been me, I would’ve sworn the female chained to the metal table, lying in a pool of her blood, was already dead. Michael stood over her, the image so raw and brutal it felt like I could reach out and touch the horror.
What were these doors?
I stood, forcing myself to take in the scene despite the urge to look away. The more I stared, the more an overwhelming need pounded through my blood, demanding more from me—demanding Ibesomething more. I clenched my teeth. The girl who lay upon that metal table, exposed, weak, helpless, and dying—that could never be me again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, General. Tell your girlfriend we’ll be ready for her punishment. We did come in last, after all.”
With that, I patted Rune on the head and entered the library.
“Cato,” I called out. My voice bounced off the towering dark shelves and into the high ceiling. If he didn’t hear me, he sure would in a second. “Cato!”
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I whipped around. Cato stood there wearing his robes and a dry, irritated expression. Sure, I yelled in a library, but it wasn’t like anyone was ever here.
“Yes?”
I gestured to the doors. “What are those? Why do they show what they do?”
Cato clasped his robed hands before his body and pursed his lips.
Seconds passed. Then a minute.
“Well?” Heavenly Hell, I didn’t think an answer would take this long. If he were an all-knowing Throne, shouldn’t he already have one?
He shifted his pursed lip a millimeter and walked away.
“Hey!” I yelled. “I asked you a question.”
