My mother’s funeral took place tonight, and my father wouldn’t even allow us in his room to retrieve her body. Ironic, seeing as he was the one who declared her funeral. Ronen said he’d take care of it, and I decided that while he did, I’d wander the castle. I had nothing better to do.
It was either wander numb, visit Oliver in his coma state and ask Sam for the hundredth time when he’d wake up, or lock myself in my room and let loneliness and pain consume me as I cried morning, afternoon, and night.
Eventually, I found myself using Ronen’s key and my blood to unlock the dungeons. My Glory fell asleep the moment I stepped into the long room. Sturdy Ember Metal and three-foot-thick walls crafted each cell.
I walked until I saw him, then slid down the damp wall across from his bars. Part of me wanted Aspen out of his cage, and another part thought he was better off in there. It was safer. The majority of Hell despised him.
We stared at each other, both unsure how to proceed after everything that had happened. His vibrant blues reflected the devastation of his lies and treatment of me, as did the feelings I could sense from him again. And the fact that Ronen said he’d been in Aspen’s head—after carving the opposing rune into Aspen’s skin with his ebony feather, which MJ had retrieved from Oliver during the mayhem—officially eliminated the Hell Rune’s commands. It was a precautionary measure, even though Oliver had already helped Aspen break free of his control. This way, we never had to worry again.
Everything from now on, everything Aspen said or did, was all him.
Aspen dropped his gaze and let his head fall back against his metal prison. “I don’t know what to say to you, Lucille. I want to apologize. I want to get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness. But I don’t even think that’d be enough.”
“I should’ve known,” I admitted. How many times did I think things were off in our dream-walks? How many times did I push my suspicions away? Or how about the nightmare I had of him being tortured—the one I believed Lilith had controlled?
He shook his head. “If you’d known, how could you have stopped me or Lilith? I mean, yes, you could’ve prevented me from touching you with my disgusting, manipulative hands and?—”
“Stop!” I couldn’t take the reminder or the disgust he had for himself. He quieted, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t knowhow to separate my feelings from my thoughts. His actions and words destroyed me. Yet of course, they were Lilith’s actions and words.
But were they?
“How much of it was you in the dream-walks? How much of it was the truth?”
He flinched, and his shame deepened. “A lot of it,” he whispered. “But I did it for her, not you. She wanted me to be as close to myself as possible to persuade you to trust me. It was the only way after I told her how you reacted to the Hell Rune in Elora.”
“If she wasn’t forcing you, would you have gone through with any of it? With…”
“Why does it matter, Lucille?”
“Because of what we…” I trailed off. The feelings I had for Aspen were tainted with betrayal and blame.
He scoffed. “There is no fuckingweanymore.”
Anger heated my blood, and I stood, glaring down at him. “What about our guardian bond?”
“Guardian bond?” He rose to his feet. “I can tell you right now I’ve never been your guardian. I’ve only ever hurt you. Might as well forget about it and go on your merry way, Princess.”
I slammed my palms against his bars. “How could I ever forget about it? I’m pretty sure our stupid bond put you above my mother!” I screamed. “I chose you!”
The energy beneath my skin had to be from our bond. That was the only explanation I had.
He laughed, self-loathing thick in the sound. “Then why are you still here? Why did you even come down here? You should hate my guts.”
I opened my mouth to scream at him again, but the words didn’t come. Why was I down here? Because I wanted to make sure he was okay. Because his depressive emotions had seeped through our connection while I wandered the halls, and I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to help him.
“What are you holding onto? Those few moments in your Earthly forest when I was kind to you? Curious about you? I was just a passing fancy to settle your need for mystery and adventure, and you were just a distraction from my fucked-up life.”
Despite the self-hatred and shame I could feel from him, his words still punched me in my fragile chest. I probably would’ve cried if my mother’s death and Oliver’s state hadn’t stolen all my tears. I surveyed his tortured expression, his tousled brown hair, and his bony fingers, hoping they’d feed him better here, then turned and left.
Regret instantly shot through the bond.
“Sweetheart, wait!”
I paused. “I never want to hear that name from your mouth ever again.” Then continued up the stairs.
“Lucille!” he called out again.
I ignored him and left him to his suffering. I understood his regret and pain, but I no longer wanted to live in it. Oliver was right—I didn’t need a knight in shining armor to catch me on the way down, because he wasn’t trying to catch me. He was trying to drag me down with him, and I’d hadenough. I just needed to make sure he was at least breathing. Whether that was because of the bond or my conscience, I didn’t know, nor did I want to spend time thinking about it.
