“He did?” Eli rubbed his thumb over Petey a bit faster.
“Yes. Your Daddy understands you, Eli, and knew that you’d eventually want to talk to someone about the balancing act between Little and Big when you have the responsibilities of children.”
Relief warred with surprise. His Daddy wouldn’t be mad that he’d called Jonas. He’d even anticipated it. God he had the best daddy. “Yeah. I’m struggling a bit. I want to be the best for Raelynn and Jeremy but in the process…” He looked up at the ceiling. “…I lost sight of what Willem needs from me.”
“Oh sweetheart. What my son needs is for you to be you. Both Big and Little.” Sandy’s voice took on a motherly tone, a shock from her earlier Little tone. How did she do that so easily? He couldn’t just switch it off unless he got scared.
“But how…” he finally blurted out. “I can’t seem to figure out how to switch it off, or even balance it, and I end up going with Big because it’s safe. I just don’t wanna disappoint Daddy.” Shame burst over him even as he admitted his biggest fear.
“Practice, open communication and scheduling.” Sandy rattled off. “A relationship like the oneweneed has to have all three to make it work.”
“She’s right.” Jonas joined back in the conversation. “When the kids were little, it wasn’t a big deal to have Momma crawling around on the floor and playing with them. That satisfied some of her need to be Little, but I made a practice of giving her Little time each night. That’s where the schedule came in. I would get the kids bathed, and ready for bed while she spent time in the playroom.”
“I love helping Will get the kids ready for bed.” Eli couldn’t help but sound a little defeated. Would he have to give that up for his Little time?
“That was just an example, young man.” Jonas now sounded stern. “You need to talk to Willem and come up with a schedule that works for you both. Open communication.”
“Sorry. I know. Talk to him.” His shoulders slumped. He didn’t want Willem to feel bad because he was struggling. “It’s just he does so much for me and the kids. We both drop into bed most nights so tired that all we do is snuggle before falling asleep. And after his trip to the hospital, I don’t want to add me to his burden.”
“Burden?” Willem’s voice from the doorway cut through Eli’s misery, only to add another component to it, fear. Not of Willem himself, but of disappointing the man who was his entire world.
“Ah…” He struggled with what to say. “…you weren’t supposed to hear that, Daddy.”
“Uh oh.” Sandy’s voice filled his ear. “Someone just walked into the room at the wrong time and you’re in trouble now.”
“Enough, young lady,” Jonas scolded. “Hand the phone to Willem, Eli.”
“They want to talk to you, Daddy.” He held out the phone with shaking fingers.
Willem crossed the room to take the phone. “Go downstairs with the kids. We’ll deal with this later.”
“Yes, Daddy.” His shoulders slumped, as he set the laptop aside and climbed off the bed. He skirted around Willem and headed toward the door.
“Elias.”
He stopped, then looked over his shoulder. “Yes, Sir?”
Willem stood next to the bed, holding the phone in his hand, a worried look on his face. He’d done that to his Daddy. “I love you, boy, but that’s not going to save your ass later. You know that right?”
“Yes, Daddy.” He accepted the fact that he’d broken one of their rules and his bottom would pay for it. He wasn’t allowed to talk down about himself and calling himself a burden was a clear infraction of the rule.
* * *
Willem waited until his subdued little boy left the room. He’d come up to see who his lover was talking to as he’d overheard voices when he’d gone to the kitchen. His boy hadn’t shut the door at the top of the stairs.
“Willem?” his dad’s voice squawked from the cell in his hand.
He lifted it to his ear. “Hey Dad.”
“Looks like you were right.” His dad gave a sigh. “I kind of hoped that you’d be wrong and he’d come to you but…”
“Eli is Eli.” Willem sank down on the edge of the bed. “He’s fiercely independent, but damn when he gives over…” He shut his eyes. “…it makes it all worth it, Dad.”
“I imagine so.” Jonas chuckled. “Not that I’m one to tell a man what to do with his own Little, can I offer a suggestion?”
“A suggestion?” Willem’s own lips quirked up. “The day you offer suggestions instead of demands, Dad, hell has frozen over.”
His mother giggled.
