“Oh really? You’re telling a demigod what he can and cannot do? Brave of you.”
“If that is your understanding of our current agreement, we need to revisit the language to avoid any further miscommunication.” There was a smile on Jarryn’s face and Leander knew he was happy for some light repartee.
Leander couldn’t even find it within himself to be insulted. Jarryn was not wrong by any stretch of the imagination. “Fine, can I at least try some more?”
Jarryn made a show of hesitating before passing back the wineskin and Leander took a smaller sip, this time letting the dark liquid rest on his tongue before swallowing.
“What do you really miss most about Desanne?”Leander asked softly as he handed back the wine skin and rested his elbows on his knees.
No one had bothered to ask Leander that same question, so he was curious about what Jarryn had to say. For his part, Leander missed his mother. He wished she were here now with a hug and soothing words.
“My people. My family.” Jarryn replied in an equally sombre tone of voice. Leander glanced over and said nothing, his silence inviting the prince to expand on his response.
Jarryn sighed. “Desanne has the luxury of a temperate year-round climate and beautiful scenery, but it is the people that make it so remarkable. To be among them is to be home, at peace. And I would be remiss to say that I didn’t love my mother and brother. Even months later, my father’s passing still hurts. And my brother... well he must be under some spell, because he would never betray me.”
Leander hummed noncommittally. It was a completely and utterly heart-wrenching answer to his question.
“And what of you? What is the first thing you will do when you regain your divinity?”
“Do as you request, Master,” Leander said with a mirthless laugh. “If I am still your property. Besides, I will never regain my immortality. This is it.”
“There must be something you would want to do?”
Leander thought back to his conversation with Taskevi in the Bazaar, what felt like a lifetime ago even if it hadn’t been more than a month since they had spoken. “I suppose I would be a better man, a better god. I will always be the God of Lies, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That way, I might just find my way in the world.”
“And what’s stopping you from doing that now?”
There was an immediate wince as Leander pat his thigh, answering Jarryn’s question silently.
“You really want to do good, don’t you?”
Leander smiled sadly and gave a half-shrug, staring down at the smouldering fire which had died down to embers now. “Oddly, I find it easiest to identify events, immaterial experiences that bring me joy. It would be nice to be responsible for those things in others…” He looked up to meet Jarryn’s gaze. “I would like to be responsible for those things in you.”
Jarryn frowned and turned away, busying himself with a swig from the wineskin. “I need you to be sure.”
It had taken Leander a long time to realise just how much he craved Jarryn’s respect and approval. “I am.”
Leander knew Jarryn would make every effort to preserve a sense of privacy for Leander, but right now he had no doubt that the prince was using everything at his disposal to guide him through this difficult conversation. Getting through this was never going to be easy.
He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have a choice in the matter, and if it meant it would lead to a favourable outcome… well it would all be worth it.
“No, you’re not. Youstillwant me to push you away, I don’t need Aesthesia to know that about you. You have such strong intentions all the time. You’re already four steps ahead in this conversation. Just give me a chance.”
While Leander would never admit it aloud, he was painfully aware of the fact that he could never live up to Jarryn’s high standards. This had been proven time and time again, over countless meetings and engagements.
Or anyone’s standards, for that matter.
The disgraced god.
And it was because of this that Leander was always prepared. Heneededto be four steps ahead, only then did he have a chance when it came to surviving in this cutthroat world of politicians.
Jarryn tilted his head to the side. “What did you do? I know of your use of Aesthesia against that lord at the races, but I also know you didn’t do it just as an act of treason against Vyrica and the king. Why do I get the feeling you were falsely accused by the Nine?”
“Oh, there was no false accusation. I did the deed that caused me to be sentenced. I’m a cautionary tale if ever there was one.”
“But if you?—”
“I’m tired, Jarryn. By your leave if I could lie down while we wait for the hunters to return…” He stood up without waiting for Jarryn to reply and left the prince to his own confused thoughts.
