“That’s one heavy topic, Leo.”
“Yes. Sorry.”
Jarryn smiled, placing his hand atop Leander’s. “Stop apologising. You’re allowed to question… life. The cosmos. The nature of existence.”
“Am I? I’m mortal, remember?”
“As if that is something to be ashamed about.”
“But it should be simpler now. Why can’t I just get through each day and find a just little spark of joy in it?”
Jarryn took a seat opposite Leander (it was common practice for the prince to stand and pace when he was in one of his ranting moods). When he spoke, it was a soft, soothing tone, there to calm Leander’s growing agitation. “We all carry our burdens, Leander. Take me… I was meant to be a king.”
Leander smiled at Jarryn, his eyes sad and yet full of mischief. “And I was a god.”
“I thought you were coming to terms with it, Leo?”
The demigod shrugged before leaning forward to grab a biscuit from the tray between them.
“Without knowing what brought you here, I can offer no advice, only vague words of comfort,” Jarryn said slowly.
“It’s just…” Leander sighed. “Never mind.”
“I thought I had already made it clear to you that I was interested in what you had to say,” Jarryn replied, his tone borderline scolding, though his expression spoke of concern. There was no amusement there now.
He stood again, only to fall to his knees directly next to Leander’s chair, leaning in close as he spoke. “There are a few things in the world more beautiful than seeing passion and excitement light up someone’s features. It must be worth knowing about if it can cause such a reaction and emotional response… this I would like to know more.”
“I never thought I’d find someone who understands what it is to be... a disgrace. And the weight I carry every day because of it.”
“You know my feelings on the matter all too well,” Jarryn whispered. “We have discussed it at length.”
“And do you still feel the same contempt you felt back then, whenever you looked at me?” Leander asked quietly. “Do you still wait, like my father, for me to fuck up and make a fool of myself, just so you can be proven right in your assessment of me?”
The candelabra above, with its shimmering glass and brightly burning candles, was so different to Leander’snormal experience of dimly lit, dank taverns. The wallpaper, printed with blue flowers, was old and tired, but it was a distraction from Jarryn’s eyes, which stared at him with a look almost akin to disappointment that he had the audacity to be insecure about their relationship.
“Do you truly think so little of me, Leander? That I would invite you to my secret hideaway if I didn’t trust you?”
Being a prince, Jarryn had had no difficulty claiming this clandestine back room as a refuge from the palace, somewhere he could go to get away from Caisa’s domain, where he could read in peace. It was only a few weeks back that he had started inviting Leander to join him in his secret retreat.
The clink of the tearoom’s fine crockery and the distant tittering of voices from the other patrons served as a backdrop to what Leander had long since wished for but now was terrified, laying his emotions bare in front of this devastatingly beautiful man.
Jarryn, with his piercing blue eyes and regal charm, leaned forward, elbows resting on the plush chair as his fingers ventured forth, tracing idle patterns on the rim of Leander’s teacup.
“I used to think that I had it all... and would want for nothing, because what more was there to my existence but lavish parties and charity to the poor?” Jarryn said in a gravelly voice, staring at the demigod with an intensity that frightened Leander a little. He was often the more reserved of the two, but today he was vocal, sharing his thoughts without prompting from Leander. “Then my world collapsed all around me, a desperate bid to save my ownskin had the very world turn grey. A life barely worth living, I had thought. Because what good is a prince to his people when those people despise him?”
Leander opened his mouth to speak but Jarryn silenced him before he could with a flick of a single finger.
“But then you came into my life and showed me just how wrong I was. You showed me so much, slowly colour bled back into my days, saturating it in all the best ways.”
Leander gazed into Jarryn’s eyes with a mix of passion and what was no doubt a pathetic amount of vulnerability. “What are you trying to say?”
And, in kind, Jarryn, who was typically not a particularly physically demonstrative individual, interlaced his fingers through those of Leander’s, the ones not holding his drink. Pressing up from the floor, he leaned in and, giving Leander plenty of time to reject him, pressed his lips against the demigod’s.
The confusion sat with Leander in the kind of shadowed cloud he should have been expecting but was still surprised by. Inwardly, he scolded himself, because heknewjust how nuanced the world was, how complex its inhabitants were.
But, despite himself, Leander returned the kiss, allowing himself to melt further into his chair. Though it was not their first, it promised not to be their last. There would be more: hundreds, thousands… many more to come.
It was better than he could have ever imagined, this simple, chaste kiss, where only their lips touched. Jarryn didn’t deepen it, and nor did Leander. But it was enough.
