Jarryn’s eyes remained cold. “Trust, once broken, is hard to mend,” his voice was edged with the betrayal he evidently felt so deeply.
“I know, but I deserve the chance.”
“You saved me, and I will be forever grateful. But I’m in this situation because of you, and that cannot just be forgotten, Leander.” Jarryn said it in such a horribly soft way that spoke of true pain and anguish, a tone of voice that would have lent itself quite nicely to using physical skills instead of words. He should be pounding at the wall with his fists to escape this mental turmoil. Even Jarryn’saccompanying smile was such a fucking despondent manifestation that Leander wouldn’t have minded if, instead of the wall, he himself were the target of Jarryn’s fists.
The prince had far too much self-control for that to be the solution to his new problems, though.
Despite Leander’s sincere efforts at apologising, the chasm between them only seemed to widen.
“Is it because I told the lie, or because I kept the truth of it from you?” Leander’s question echoed in the strained silence, each attempt at speaking being met with a wall of silent resentment.
Jarryn did not reply.
Leander’s mind raced as he struggled to find something to say, as if expecting an epiphany to come to him and suddenly all would be well again. It didn’t come to him, though, and the silence that reigned was a reminder of their bond, only in its infancy, now severed.
It shattered his heart into a million pieces.
“I thought we agreed we were in this together.” When Jarryn finally spoke, his tone was coloured with bitterness.
But there was still a smile on the prince’s face. No, it was more like a smirk. That asinine one he used when speaking to other nobles, specifically the ones he didn’t like. A smile that was so detached from his eyes. It was a perfected mask that fooled everyone, including Leander… until recently.
Leander’s broken heart sank further, if that was even possible, as he realised the depth of the damage he had caused.
“I never meant for it to go this far,” implored Leander, desperation evident in his eyes. He was, as always when infront of Jarryn, unable to do anything but bare his soul completely to the other man.
“What other outcome could you possibly conceive happening as you kept your lie hidden from me formonths?” Jarryn asked, his tone taking on an incredulous quality.
He hesitated, trying to decide how to repair the damage of not only his words, but of his lie.
Jarryn sighed, rubbing his face with his hands in a rare show of frustration. “But the fact remains that you did. There aren’t enough sweet words in the world to take back that hurt.”
The prince lowered himself to sit in the chair next to his desk, falling silent and eyeing Leander despondently until he finally sighed again and looked away, a frown on his face as he tapped a stack of letters into order on the edge of his desk, ready to be sent out with the morning delivery.
“If you would just?—”
“Cut the act,” Jarryn’s voice was sharp, but his expression remained stoic, unwilling to yield to Leander’s pleading. “This conversation ends now.”
“Oh, bullshit!” Leander snapped, raising his arms in a violent gesture as something a little more potent than irritability flared hot and fast in his stomach. “You fucking mortals and your victim complexes!”
Jarryn froze mid-movement, but he did not look up. Leander also went still. He immediately wondered if he had finally—finally—pushed the prince to his emotional limits of self-restraint… and then, quickly following that thought, there was a second thought, wondering if that had been his intention all along.
Because what he had done, what had he been given over those days of travel after leaving Saeren together?
A shared understanding, a connection he had never assumed possible, let alone sought it out. Was it something he ever wanted to let go?
Nine above, it might just be worth it.
Might be worth suffering through a flogging for.
He wondered if Jarryn was the type of man to dole out corporal punishment on those subordinates who had wronged him in some way.
Really, there was only one way for him to find out.
Leander didn’t like how they could have gone from such intimacy to this complete and utter division of who they had promised each other they would be.
The prince finally looked up, his crystalline gaze icy, hard, impenetrable. “Care to elaborate on what you just said?” Jarryn said, in a calm, painfully cold, voice. On any other day, in any other situation, it was a voice that would have made Leander run for the hills. That might have been the solution… but not when he was stood in front of the man he loved, the man he implicitly trusted to come to a fair and agreeable solution. “Please do enlighten me with,exactly, how my victim complex is shining through, Leander.”
Leander swallowed, wishing his temper hadn’t gotten the better of him. In no conceivable way was Jarryn at fault.
