Page 93 of Regretting Youu

“Hey,” he says, answering right away. “What’s up?”

“What time do you get off work?”

“Not for another half hour. You can still come kiss me good night before your curfew, though.”

“Will you come to my house when you leave?”

“Your house?” he pauses. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, but use the bedroom window.”

“Oh, are we being sneaky?” I can hear the grin in his voice. “Okay, but I’ve never been inside your house. I don’t know which window yours is.”

“First window, right side of the house.”

“Facing the house?”

“Yes. And . . . bring a condom.”

He pauses for several long seconds. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“It’s . . . Clara, we don’t have to.”

“You promised you weren’t going to talk me out of it.”

“I don’t know that it was a promise. And I assumed it would be a while before we . . .”

“I changed my mind. I don’t want to wait until prom.”

He’s silent again. Then he says, “Okay. Yeah. Be there in less than an hour.”

I turn on my radio to help drown out any noise Miller or I might make. I light two candles and put one by my bed and one by the window so that he can make his way around my dark bedroom. I take a shower while I wait for him. I try to get all my tears out before he shows up. Surprisingly, there aren’t that many. I’m too angry to cry, I think. I didn’t know I was capable of reaching this level of anger, but I’ve reached it, and there might even be room for more anger. Who knows? Guess I’ll see what I’m really capable of when my mother and I come face to face tomorrow.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. I blow-dry my hair a little so that it’s not dripping wet. I apply some mascara and pinch my cheeks because I look pale right now. Realizing your own mother is not the person you thought she was can really drain the color from your face.

I’m looking for lip gloss when I hear a light tap on my window. I rush to my closet to find something to put on, but then I remember why Miller is here in the first place. He’s here to get me naked. The towel will do just fine.

I open my bedroom window while Miller takes off the screen. When he climbs inside, he glances around the room before he takes me in. When his eyes finally land on me, I can see his realization sink in. I’m pretty sure up until this point, he didn’t think I was serious about losing my virginity to him tonight. But now that I’m standing in front of him, wearing nothing but a towel, his reaction becomes physical.

He bites his fist and winces as he looks at me from head to toe. “Holy shit, Clara.”

I would laugh, but I’m still too angry. I don’t want him to feel my mood, though. I need to shake it off long enough to get this over with.

Miller cups my face in his hands. “Are you absolutely positive this is what you want?” He’s whispering, thank God. The last thing I need is for my mother to ruin this part of my life too.

I nod. “Yes.”

“What about your mom? Where is she?”

“She’s in her room. My door is locked. We’ll be quiet. Plus, my music is on, so she won’t hear us.”

Miller nods, but he seems nervous. I didn’t expect him to be nervous. “I’m sorry I keep asking if you’re sure. I just wasn’t expecting this to happen for a while, so . . .”

“Seventy percent of couples have sex on the first date. I think we’ve been really patient.”

Miller laughs quietly. “Did you just make up a fake statistic to try and get in my pants?”