I turn her in my arms, making her face me. Her big blue eyes search mine, and I know what she wants me to say. She wants confirmation that this isn’t anything serious between us, so she doesn’t have to freak out, but I can’t tell her that. I know what this is, and I’m just waiting for her to catch up. Cupping her cheek, I snake my fingertips in the back of her hair and bring my other arm behind her back, pulling her against me. “Do you want to know what you’re doing?” I kiss her softly, making her eyes flutter closed, then pull back and whisper, “Or do you want to know what I’m doing?” I don’t give her a chance to respond. I kiss her harder, gripping her ass in my hand while I enjoy every moment of her mouth on mine. One day, she’s going to pick up on how real this is for me, and I could lose her fast. I’ll be anything she wants me to be, but I’m not going to fake it and lie to her. I won’t let go unless she truly wants me to.
35
RYLEE: NOW
Tossingmy Kindle on the left side of my bed, I reach for my phone. It’s already ten at night, and I know Clayton goes to sleep early since he’s always up at the crack of dawn. But tomorrow is Saturday, so he has no reason to be up, not work-related anyway. I enjoyed hanging out with him this week. I mean, he helped me clean up all the water, but afterward, that was memorable. Unfortunately, not as memorable as I hoped. No matter how much I wanted to stay up all night rolling around in the sheets, I unfortunately fell asleep on the couch after I had a full stomach. I could kick myself, but I’m hoping I will be able to fix my mistake.
I’m having fun with this benefits arrangement we have going, but he keeps saying things that make me think it’s more. I’m scared to want anything with him. I find him attractive, but I can’t have anything beyond this arrangement. He already hurt me once, and I can’t go through that again. But I do like hanging out with him, and the added physical benefits only make me wantmore.
Me:
You up?
I toss the phone next to my Kindle, startling Socks, and she stretches her legs and digs her nails into me. I shove her legs when my phone pings.
Clayton:
Barely.
I tap my fingers on the back of my phone, working up the nerve to ask him. I want to come over, but maybe it would be a good idea to come up with a reason to see him instead of, “I want to.”
Me:
What are you doing tomorrow? Want to lay brick?
I was able to finish the demo in the kitchen, and I got all the cabinets set. The next step would be the brick flooring. It would be nice to have an extra set of hands; not necessary, but nice. It’s a bonus that it would mean seeing him again.
Clayton:
You want to put me to work?
Me:
If I ask really nicely, would you?
Clayton:
That depends. What are you wearing?
My jaw drops as I read his message. It’s so unlike him, but it also makes my heart flutter, knowing he wants these more intimate details. I peer down at myself and groan at my worn, X-large T-shirt covering my cotton, purple underwear, and purplefuzzy socks. I could put on something different, but whenever he comes and I’m in my casual pajamas, he can’t keep his eyes off me. That’s one reason I never changed after the water fiasco. It felt good to be desired, especially when I wasn’t even trying to impress him. I was being myself.
Me:
Maybe you should come find out.
Clayton:
I would, but Avery made me go out after work. He dropped me off a little bit ago because I had too much to drink.
Me:
Oh, a drunk Clayton. No wonder you’re sending more than two-word text messages.
I wiggle back into my pillows and watch the three little dots appear. A smile crosses my lips, thinking about a drunk Clay. I wish I could see it.
Clayton:
It’s probably for the best you don’t tell me. I don’t think I have much self-control to stay away from you if you did tell me what sexy clothes you’re wearing.
