Why? Because I’m just Baby Hensley, right? I’m young and immature and don’t know how to handle these things. I should just get out of the room and let the grown-ups talk.
No, that’s not true. That’s not what he thinks of you.
Right?
Because what could he possibly have needed to talk to Sawyer about without me there? He probably thinks he can calm Sawyer down better than me – he is Duke, after all, always the shoulder for his friends, the one they can count on. God knows he’s eased me through moments of anxiety and worry plenty of times, like he’s been graced with some kind of otherworldly ability to soothe.
Except it doesn’t work tonight. Not when Duke’s broad body slides through the gap in the door and he shuts it behind him. The sight of him has my chest rising quicker and quicker so that my clothes start to feel too constricting. Duke presses a hand to the door as it shuts, leaning there for a beat before finally turning weary eyes to me. Even through the haze of night filling the apartment, I notice the shadows that have crept into his eyes, the lumbered shift of his muscles, like they’ve got nothing left to give.
He swallows thickly when his eyes land on me. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey.’
A heavy silence settles between us. I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting from him, but it wasn’t this. Not this awkward hesitation, gaze flicking between me and the floor, too reminiscent of when Duke would actively avoid getting too close to me. That’s the last place I’deverwant to go back to, so the sudden trembling of my breath isn’t completely unexpected.
‘Are you okay?’ I push off from the couch, takingtentative steps towards him. Dark, tired eyes watch me, full of storm clouds – the quieter kind that slowly roll in, dragging nothing but gloom with them.
‘Yeah.’ He lets out a long sigh. ‘I – I should walk you home.’
‘Walk me home?’ I stop my path abruptly. My brows pinch together, an ache forming behind my nose from the sting of his unexpected dismissal. ‘But I was going to stay here tonight. With you.’
A second ago my clothes were almost suffocating but now I feel totally exposed. I’m vastly aware of the chilled air biting at my bare skin, how I never even put back on my underwear, only my dress, and my panties are just sitting on the coffee table. Some small part of me probably thought Duke would just end up sliding them off again, anyway, and before we knew it, we’d be tangled up in his sheets.
How stupid of me.
Duke winces. ‘I’m sorry, I know I said that I’d have sex with you and—’
‘I don’t care about whether you fuck me or not, Duke.’ Even if I did hope that we’d just pick up where we left off, truthfully, all I want is the privilege of spending another night with him, wrapped in his arms, where he might talk with me until we pass out, where I get to discover tiny, exciting, new parts of him I’d never have known when there was a line drawn between us. ‘I just – I want tobewith you.’
‘I think maybe it would be better if …’ His lashes falter, fists flexing by his sides, the only movement in his otherwise stoic demeanour.
My ragged breaths fill the apartment.
‘If what?’ We should talk about it, not just give up when something gets difficult. ‘What else did Sawyer say?’
‘Nothing we don’t already know.’
That makes me scoff. A hoarse laugh spills out of my throat as I throw my hands to my head, letting my fingers massage my temples. ‘Well, I don’t know about that. Because as far as I see it, all that mattered to me down there was defending whatwe—’ I point between us ‘—have, butclearlysomething else was on your mind that I’m unaware of—’
‘Cherry—’ Fire flickers momentarily behind Duke’s eyes.
‘—so, I’d appreciate it if you told me what was said. It’s the least you could do after basicallybanishingme up here.’ Raising my chin a little, I pin Duke with my stare, crossing my arms to punctuate my point. I don’t care if I seem callow or immature now. I’m saying my truth.
He gives me a rumbling sigh in response. Every one of his muscles is strained, like they’re trying to break through the layer of tattoos covering them. ‘I don’t –fuck– I don’t want to talk about it yet … My head is all over the place, and I just need some time to think things through.’
‘Thinkwhatthrough, Duke?’Us? Whether he still wants to be with me?‘Why does it matter what Sawyer thinks? He’s not going to tell Wyatt. I know he won’t. And …’ The edges of my vision blur into silver. ‘Would it really be so bad if he did?’
Duke’s stare drops to the ground. Defeat is written all over him, only emphasised when the next words leave his lips. ‘I can’t lose anybody else.’
Each word cuts through me, twisting in my gut. I’m scared to look anywhere else but him, afraid of the darkness closing in around me each time my headthrobs. A lone tear finally trickles down my cheek. I let out another laugh, a gurgled one that mixes with the sob that also lurches from my throat. ‘But if you had to lose someone, better the summer fling who’ll be gone soon than your best friend, right?’
Duke’s wide eyes shoot up to catch mine. ‘Woah, baby, no.’ Clumsily, he stumbles towards me, but I move out of his reach, wrapping my arms around me as the dam breaks and tears begin to stream. ‘That’s not at all what I’m saying. You know you mean more to me than that.Somuch more. I just – this is hard for me, and I only want some time to clear my head before we talk about it.’
‘Time …’ I shake my head. Time for what? To figure out how best to let me down? After he swore to me in this very apartment that it was safe to let myself love him, that whatever happened, however hard I fell, he’d catch me. Just like he always has.
Heart rattling against my ribcage, I suck down a sharp breath. ‘Youpromisedme, Duke. You promised me that if I let myself fall, you’d be there with me the whole time, falling too. But … but now it feels like I’ve jumped, and you’re standing on the edge, just watching me. And it’s too late for me.’ My fingers scrape over my scalp. ‘Because I can’t go back. Not now I’m in love with you.’
The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.
