“It’s not…I don’t know…” I mumble, trying to form words.
Mrs. C reaches out and puts her hand on top of mine. “Sometimes we think it’s all very cut and dry. That our feelings are because of a certain reason, but if we sit back and think on it a minute, we’ll realize that it’s something bigger.”
“Like it’s more than my bad relationship with my father?”
“Oh, I definitely think that wound is giving you pause, but I do think there’s something bigger. You probably don’t remember this,” she chuckles for a second as she pauses. She squeezes my hand and continues. “You were about six years old, and some boys at church had told you that girls couldn’t do anything after you slid in some mud trying to help a little boy out of a tree. You were so adamant that they were wrong that you started wearing a cape everywhere. For the longest time, you would say that you were going to save Hicks Creek one day. You even told your mama not to worry, because you would save the ranch one day if it needed it.”
I pull away from her, tears filling my eyes as I look back at her in shock. I do remember that. I remember that little pink cape and that pink leotard that I wore everywhere, that always seemed to come off in the middle of the night and be perfectly clean the next morning at the foot of my bed.
But that’s not the part that’s hitting me like a freight train.
I came back to Hicks Creek thinking that I needed to save the ranch, the town, so that my dad would finally see how amazing I am. I’m not mad at Wade for paying off the balloon payment because I think it’s a control tactic. He stole my thunder, so to speak.
I wanted to be the one to rescue everything, and I did, I guess by finding the reasons the cattle were getting sick, but he stole the ability to save my dad and the ranch.
I groan, burying my face in my hands again.
“You’re enough, Sutton,” Wade had said to me.
All this time, I thought that I had to be the hero and then, and only then, the people of Hicks Creek and my dad would accept me and welcome me home with open arms. I thought I needed to be the hero to prove I was enough, to earn my dad’s love when all this time, I already had it.
My relationship with my dad isn’t great, it’s a work in progress, sure. However, the fact that he asked me for help and listened to my advice is a big deal.
Wade loves me, for me. He loved me before I found the cause of the illness before I saved his herd.
The people of Hicks Creek welcomed me with open arms before I even started working on the herds.
Wade isn’t the bad guy in all of this. My ego is bruised, and my wounds run so deep that I couldn’t pick them out without Mrs. C’s help.
“That boy loves you, Sutton. He might not always show it the way you expect, but it’s there. Loud and clear.”
I take a deep breath, the tightness in my chest easing slightly. “Thank you, Mrs. C.”
She pats my hand gently. “Anytime, sweetheart. Now, go get some rest. You’ve got a big conversation ahead of you.”
I manage a small smile, feeling a glimmer of hope. Mrs. C stands, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before heading back inside. I stay on the bench a little longer, the night air cool against my skin, and let her words settle in my heart.
I reach down looking for my phone and realize that I left it in the room. I sit there for a bit longer, running all the scenarios through my head as I do.
Wyoming and that job were my dream before I came back to Hicks Creek. It was my dream because I wanted to prove to my dad that I could be someone important.
I don’t need to prove anything anymore.
I wanted that dream before I fell for Wade, before I felt like Caleb was my son, too.
Damn, I really made a mess of things.
I wipe my eyes and stand up. I stretch, inhaling and exhaling slowly before I make my way back inside the hospital. I’ll get myphone, call Ronnie, and tell him that I’m not going to take the job in Wyoming.
Doc Lucy had offered me a job a long time ago, even mentioned when I got back that the offer still stood. I could stay in Hicks Creek surrounded by the people that I love, the town that I love, and live my happily ever after.
That was always the dream, to come back to Hicks Creek and give back to the town and people that raised me. The people who shaped me into the person that I am today.
That dream only changed because I thought my father hated me and disowned me. While things aren’t perfect between us, or even fixed, I know that leaving will only make them worse.
I’ve seen a different side of him while I’ve been home, and I really think that it’s a possibility that we can repair our relationship.
I’ve complained for so long about not being able to find a good man. Here I am, had one dropped right into my lap, and I’ve done nothing but push him away. I’ve been trying to run from him all along because I’m not used to being treated with love and respect.
