By the time I get outside, she’s long gone.
Chapter Three
Sutton
Ten years later
“Sutton, it’s Dad. I…I need your help.”
I listened to those words twenty times since I saw that he left me a voicemail twenty minutes ago.
“He’ll come around, babygirl. He will,” Mama had said on repeat when I came home that first Christmas at college.
My father had taken one look at me and said, “Did you fail college already? I knew you wouldn’t last. You don’t belong anywhere but this ranch.”
He, in fact, disowned me as I was leaving that time. He told me that I was a selfish, spoiled brat and that I was dead to him.
He stormed out of the house, and I gathered my things and left. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. If I came home to see my mother, I stayed with Dez or at a hotel.
“He misses you. I almost got him to come with me today, but you know how he feels about these fancy hotels,” Mama said, waving her hand dismissively.
“Mama, you don’t have to sugar coat any of this,” I sighed. “You said the same thing when I graduated with my bachelor’s and again when I graduated as a doctor. Stop making excuses for his bad behavior.”
She let out a long sigh, shaking her head as she did. “He doesn’t know any better, Sutton. It’s how he was raised.”
“And at some point, he should have realized that what he’s doing isn’t working. He’d rather be a stubborn old mule full of ego than repair his relationship with his daughter. But he doesn’t.”
“Well, he thought you were going to come home and—”
“Why would I come home when the man hasn’t spoken more than a sentence to me since I was eighteen years old? I’ve given up hope on ever having a relationship with him, Mama. I don’t need you to pretend.”
“All these awards you’ve been getting,” Mama said, her face glowing with pride. “You sure are something else. Award for excellence in bovine research, in preventative medicine, researcher of the year. Your daddy—”
I put my hand up in the air to stop her. “Please don’t taint my awards by saying his name.”
Mama’s face fell, and I could see how much of a toll all of this had taken on her, even though she’d never admit it. Just like she always did, she’d explain that I just didn’t know Daddy like she did, and if I did, I’d understand it all better.
I would never understand how a man could turn his back on his only child because she was accepted to college.
I stared down at the phone, our old landline number like a neon sign on the screen. Tears pricked at my eyes.
Five years ago, I returned to Hicks Creek for Mama’s funeral. She’d always been the buffer between us, and I was on edge about how I thought it would go. I walked into that house and saw my daddy sitting in his old La-Z-Boy recliner, his jeanoveralls on and an old Georgia Bulldogs hat on his head. He was staring off into space. I was there a full two minutes before I cleared my throat, and he finally looked up to notice me.
“You broke her heart when you left and didn’t come back. This is your fault.”
Those words will forever echo in my head. I had already felt guilty for not being there, for not picking up the phone the last time she called. The venom in his accusation was too much to bear, and I turned around and walked right back out.
Most people would give him a little grace and think that he’s a grieving man who lost the love of his life. Others would point out that he’s a cowboy through and through and he doesn’t know how to handle any sort of emotions.
Me? I call bullshit on all of that. He’s a man whose never been held accountable for his shit behavior his entire life. He was raised that way, yes, but my mama and everyone around him always made up excuses and enabled that behavior. No one, not even me, stood up to him and told him that he was an asshole.
What kind of man blames his only daughter for her mother dying?
Mom and I would FaceTime every day, numerous times a day. She came out to visit me regularly without my father’s knowledge.
You can imagine my surprise when I got a voicemail from that same man telling me that he needed my help.
Is he dying? Did the devil finally come for him, and now he’s trying to make amends?
