When I hear their door shut, I turn to look at my two guests, not sure where to start or what to say. My palms are sweaty and I wring them out in front of me, trying to get the courage to speak.
“So, I have one bed in my bedroom.” Smooth, great start. This whole weekend is going to be amazing if I keep this up. “And the couch folds out to a queen-size bed. You two can share that if you want.” I let the sentence die, staring at them and trying to see what they think of that idea. It’s the best one I can come up with.
“Can I sleep in your room?” Danielle asks, and I freeze. Because that means having someone in my space and the nervousness that comes with it. Will she judge me based on my room? Surely not, she doesn’t seem like the type. But that also means I’ll be stuck sharing a bed with Adam.
I risk a glance at him, and his eyebrows are furrowed while he stares at Danielle.
It’s going to be awkward for him. Because I’m gay and he’s not. He’s not going to want to share a bed with a guy he doesn’t even know. And what if he’s worried about me making a move on him while he sleeps?
Taking a deep breath, I calm myself down. I’m not going to do that, and I can’t control what other people think. No matter how harmful it might be.
Adam stares at me now, his head cocked to the side. Like he’s waiting for me to affirm or deny Danielle. I hate being put on the spot and making rash decisions like this.
“I don’t mind sharing a bed with Collins, at least then I won’t be subjected to your snoring all night.”
Oh god. Oh god. What is happening right now.
“Deal,” Danielle says and directs her attention to me. “Show me where your room is?” I’m helpless to do anything but agree. I awkwardly bow and hold my hand behind me in an effort to get her to follow me.
Walking down the hallway, the carpeted floor rubs against my sock-covered feet. Pictures of my parents and me line the walls. Vacations, graduations, family gatherings, all of them are documented and framed on this wall. I try to walk faster past the embarrassing pictures that are hanging up, knowing that no matter how many times I beg my mom to take them down, she won’t.
“You were such a cute kid!” Danielle gushes from behind me. “I just want to pinch your rosy cheeks.” The picture in question is from my early preschool days, with a missing front tooth and huge cheeks because my mom used to like to feed me way more than a kid my age needed to eat.
My face heats in embarrassment. “I was okay. Just a little chubby kid.” The same chubby kid who grew out of it, but by thetime I did, it was too late. I was labeled the weird kid, the kid everyone avoided at all costs. And then, when I thought I hadfinallymade a friend, they outed me as gay to the whole school. That definitely did not make the situation any better for me.
“You were so cute. I mean, you’re hot now, but I guess we’re not each other’s type.” Yeah, duh. I want to tell her. Her type is grumpy men with blue eyes that look sinful and have been the star of one too many of my daydreams. We definitely share a type, though.
“Thanks.”
I push open the door to my bedroom, glad that I’ve never been a messy person. The floor is free of mess, and my bookshelf is artfully arranged with artwork I’ve found online over the years. The room is spotless, and my sheets are freshly washed and folded back.
My mom washed and put the sheets on, so she was more excited for me to have company than I originally anticipated. Now, I just need to make it through this weekend unscathed.
“So, this is my room. If you need anything, let me know. And if you need anything umm… Feminine, you can let my mom know.” Well, that was way more awkward than I needed to make it.
“I’ll be fine, Hunt. Just be careful with Adam, okay? He kinda…” She trails off, crinkling her nose and looking hard in concentration as she starts to unpack her bags. “He’s not good with people in general. But he’s worse when he is out of his element. Go easy on him.” She lifts her eyes, pleading with me to understand. But understandwhatexactly, I’m not sure.
“Yeah, okay. I can do that.” She stands and wraps her arms around me.
“This is going to be the best weekend ever.”
16
ADAM
This is going to be the worst weekend ever.
Why did I agree to share a bed with Hunter? I have no rational answer, but when the opportunity to have him alone presented itself, I couldn’t say no. No matter how much I wanted to.
Okay, that’s a lie. I definitely would not have said no, under any circumstances. My brain is fried and my thoughts are jumbled. I don’t know which way is up, and the only thing I can think about right now is how Hunter smelled sitting next to me in the car. How he smiled and tried to hold in his laugh when our story came together. Tapping his fingers to some random beat inside his head while he was trying to think of what to say next.
What was he thinking about? What songs run through his head while he’s sitting there oblivious to my deepest, forbidden desires?
Desires I can’t have, let alone for him. Desires I’ve never had for anyone. And while mygirlfriendwas in the back seat, sleeping, I was thinking about how it would feel to finally get him alone.
Hunter comes back into the living room, where I’m sitting on his parents’ couch, awkwardly staring at the turned-off TV, my reflection on the black screen mocking me.
It’s showing me what I could have, if only the situation had been different. If I was born into a different family, maybe I could have had the chance to explore these feelings with Hunter. But I wasn’t, and I can’t. I owe it to myself and Danielle. We have to make it through this, or I’ll end up watching both of our lives crash and burn right in front of my own eyes.
