The blaring noise from the speaker had us both on our feet with athletic speed. “What the hell?” I said.
Kelcie’s lips were tilted to one side in a knowing smile. “This”—she walked around me, gesturing for the phone—“is why I kept telling y’all I had things under control.”
“What is going on?” Grace asked, hesitantly handing her the phone.
Kelcie ignored us and hit the speaker. “This is Mrs. Byron.”
“Yes, ma’am. This is Officer Wills of Alexandria Police,” a no-nonsense female voice sounded. “We were called to your residence this evening after a security alarm was set off. A gentleman claiming to be your husband entered the house without the proper code, setting off the alarm.”
“I am her husband. If you let me go to my goddamn car, I can get my identification.”
“Sir, I’m speaking to your wife now,” Officer Wills sternly said to James.
Returning to the phone, she said, “Sorry, ma’am. I must commend you—this home security alarm is impressive. It seems to have woken half the neighborhood. In fact, most of your neighbors are outside with their cell phones catching the drama. Also, having the sprinkler system turned on the door was a nice touch.”
Kelcie’s smile was positively devilish. “Officer Wills, was anyone with my husband?”
“Excuse me?” the officer said.
“Was my husband alone?”
The officer chuckled and lowered her voice slightly. “There are reports of a woman fleeing the scene and running barefoot through the yards.”
James swore obscenities in the background.
“I see,” Kelcie said.
“There was mention of uploading footage to YouTube. I’m sure you can Google it,” the officer said conspiratorially.
“What about all the shit she took?” James shouted.
“I’m getting to that,” Officer Wills said. “Mrs. Byron, do you know anyone who would’ve burglarized your house? There wasn’t any sign of forced entry, but Mr. Byron claims the place was cleaned out.”
“I can’t find the CrockPot! Where is the VitaMix? Why don’t you ask her about that? And the towel warmer!” James shouted.
The officer let out an audible sigh. “Mrs. Byron, do you know?—”
“They are still in the house. I haven’t taken a thing, as per our agreement. He, on the other hand, agreed not to come over this weekend and swipe things behind my back,” she said, her teeth clenched. “Obviously, things aren’t going to be amicable. I apologize, Officer. We will handle this as a private matter. The objects in question are locked in the basement. The code is the date of our first date. If he can remember it, he can access it.”
“Oh, good one,” the officer whispered.
“May I speak to him, please?” She stared at her feet as she pushed a few rocks around with the toe of her shoe.
“You are such a jealous bitch.”
I lunged for the phone, and Kelcie dodged me better than a wide receiver, glaring at me like a mother would a naughty child.
“No, I’m just not as stupid as you were hoping I’d be,” Kelcie said. “You chose the field, and you set the rules. Don’t get your panties in a twist when you can’t play the game.”
“This isn’t a game. That’s my stuff.”
“It’s our stuff—thirteen years of it. As we agreed, we will sit and sort it out like grown adults. Now stop trying to screw me and work on screwing your girlfriend.”
“Vindictive bitch?—”
“Whatever.” Her voice was tired and bored. She punched the end button, crossed her arms over her chest, then fell onto a bench, her feet outstretched, and sighed deeply.
Grace, Aliya, and even Nick stood with me in silence, wide-eyed.
