The doorbell rings and Emily hops up. “Got it!”
“Thank you, Mom. I love you too,” I say as Emily returns with a box and places it on the Formica countertop.
“It’s from Claire.”
I slide the box closer, cutting into the packaging tape with a pair of scissors from the junk drawer. A note card sits on the top:
Found this stuff in the closet from when you lived on my couch. Thought I’d send it back. Miss you.
-Claire
The items are random. A digital alarm clock I never used. An oil diffuser. A lint roller. Three protein bars. And a book I never finished.
I laugh as I remove the last item and then pause, blood stilling in my veins.
A book I never finished.
Call me when you get to chapter forty-two.
Emily and Mom are chatting as I splay the edge of the novel from a few years ago. I have no idea why I didn’t finish. I loved this book when I was reading it. I could blame life or circumstances or JP but really, I don’t know why I didn’t finish.
I check the dog-eared page. It’s on chapter forty-two.
I’m a coward.
I excuse myself, ignoring the cold of the November afternoon as I escape out the back door to the porch and sink into one of Gramma’s rocking chairs while Kevin chews a bone at my feet.
I begin to read, quickly remembering the couple is breaking up when the heroine says,
“I hope you get everything you ever wanted and it’s not enough.”
Tears spill down the hero’s face and he responds, “And I hope you find apricity.”
“Don’t be pretentious and use your fancy, useless words.”
“Apricity is finding the warmth of the sun in the winter.”
She pauses, staring at him with a tight jaw and hot tears falling down her face.
“You can spend the rest of your life hating me and not wanting anything to do with me, but I will always want the very best for you.”
My chest hurts, thinking only of JP.
I turn the page to mark my place on chapter forty-three, only to find a Post-It stuck in the middle of the page. I run my fingers over his handwriting.
If you read this and thought of me before seeing this note, come find me. Come get me, Jules. I guarantee I’m out here waiting.
“Julia, we’re going to get going,” Emily says softly, and I startle as I hop out of the rocking chair.
“Sure.” I nod rigidly and pull them each in for a hug, hiding the tears in my eyes and the utter emptiness in my heart.
“You’ll be ready for our flight tomorrow?” Mom asks, reminding me of the awards ceremony she invited me to as her plus one.
“Of course,” I say. “Sorry, I can’t stay as long as you but...”
She nods, eyeing me curiously. I’m sure I look like I’m ready to cry. And truth be told, I probably could cry, but all I want to do is run. Run right back to JP.
“I’m glad you’re coming,” Mom offers.
