It goes on for a while and a thought strikes me that we’ll both be embarrassed about this tomorrow. But that’s okay. Healing relationships aren’t linear. They throb and itch for months,sometimes even years, until they’re fully mended, but that’s how you know they’re healing.
“I’m sorry I don’t love him,” I confess.
Her jaw tightens enough to make me worry about her veneers cracking.
I sigh, knowing the conversation has done a complete circle and I’ve returned it to the topic of Donavan. “Not in the way I’m supposed to.”
She pats my arm. “Maybe one day you’ll find what it means to love.”
“I hope so,” I whisper, all while thinking,or I’ll just be alone forever.
“And I suppose that makes this proposition a little easier since you won’t be sorting out penthouse and lake cabins...” Mom purses her lips, and I wait for her to elaborate. “I’m planning on selling Gramma’s house.”
“No, don’t! We have a million memories there, and Emily’s girls will love it in the summer—”
Mom holds a hand. “I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, but I was wondering if maybe you would like to buy it.”
My brow furrows as I try to logistically sort it all out in three and a half seconds.
“Now, I already asked Emily and she’s considering it but she thinks you should buy it. It’s not far from my house but it’s not too close either, in case we need... space. But...” she shrugs—a soft helplessness is resting on her shoulders. I’m certain I’ve never seen my mother like this. I don’t want to let her down, but I also really want to buy Gramma’s house.
Panic hits me like a cold drench of water. “I don’t know if I can afford it. Plus, I have my practice in Chicago and—”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Julia. But if you want the place, buy it. If those memories mean so much to you...” her voice trails, her tone moving in like a cold front of protection.“Listen, I know it’s sudden, and you have a lot that you would need to work out, but I know how close you were with Gramma and how much she’s meant to you over the years, no matter how much I didn’t understand it. But I know she’d want you to have it. I want you to have it too.”
My eyes grow cloudy with tears, and Mom takes hold of both of my hands.
I swallow hard, mustering up the words I’ve been too guarded to say.
“I want to come home, Mom. Let’s make things better between us.”
Gramma Elle
“Publicly pleasant people may be hell on wheels to live with. Beware.”
“HEY, GRAMMA,” I SAY, climbing the porch steps.
She smiles at me, coy. “You seem happier.”
I sit on the porch step, considering, as I glance out at the green yard perched next to the glistening lake. “I don’t know if happier is the right word but I do feel... hopeful.”
She nods and leans her head back on the chair with her eyes closed.
“I might buy your house,” I say, and she cocks an eye open.
“You don’t say?” Her smile is bright and wide, and mine mirrors hers.
I nod. “Mom doesn’t want to hang onto it anymore, and I don’t think I want to give it up. This place is the best memory in all of my childhood.”
“You sure loved coming here,” she says, her gaze drifting over the yard like she’s watching me as a little girl frolicking in the yard and cannonballing in the lake.
“Of course I did. Here, I was loved.”
She reaches out and wipes the tear off my cheek.
“What would Donavan think of living on the West Coast?”
“He won’t be coming. I called it off.” I lean against the railing of the porch steps.
