“Yes,” he answered.
I shook my head, biting my lip hard enough I couldn’t physically smile. “You’re something else.”
“So are you.”
When he smiled at me, my knotted stomach was now doing cartwheels.
“So, is that who you were thinking of texting earlier?” he asked. “Trying to confess before she walks down the aisle to her death... er, I mean, happily ever after.”
I loved that he was playing into my blatant pessimism. I let out a breath of a laugh, looking at my hands in thought. “No, I was going to invite an old friend to the wedding, so I’m not dateless.”
He nodded. “But you hesitated because you don’t want to see him again, do you?”
My lips twitched to smile, but I did my best to not give myself away. “It’s just hard to be single at a wedding when everyone knows what happened two years ago. I mean, half of the guests received my Save the Date followed by an email that said ‘we regret to inform you’ four months later...” I swallowed my humiliation. I wasn’t angry we weren’t getting married. I was embarrassed. I said yes to someone I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with. “Anyway, this guy I knew in college lives around here, and I almost asked him to protect me from the monsters haunting me for my past choices.” I turned away,realizing how much information I was revealing to someone I just met.
“So, who do you want to make jealous tomorrow?”
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m sorry?”
“Tomorrow,” he said. “Do you want to make your sisters jealous or the groom?”
I rolled my eyes with a helpless smile. “I don’t want to make anyone jealous. I don’t want the comparison. For one day, I want to celebrate my sisters without hearing the pity from everyone that I’m still single and way less successful.”
“What time is the wedding?”
“Seven,” I answered with a hint of uncertainty.
“Tell you what. My brother’s graduation should be over by four. I will go to the wedding with you.”
I jerked back. “I don’t...” My voice fell silent. The rational part of my brain did not think this was a good idea. But I wasn’t known for being rational. I was known for dropping out of medical school and calling off weddings. Swimming upstream was my favorite sport. Letting go and doing the unthinkable was very on-brand for me. “Are you sure? I’m a walking red flag.”
He shrugged. “Red is my favorite color.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You really are going to kill me, aren’t you?”
He smiled a wickedly charming smile. “Only if you torture me first.”
three
NOW
“I’M GOING TO GO CLEANthe grill,” John says as I unclamp the curling iron, letting a long, brunette ringlet go.
“Why?” I ask, grabbing another strand of hair to curl.
“Because it’s dirty.” He shrugs.
“It’s February. You won’t be grilling until May at the earliest, and by then—” I cut myself off, letting go of another ringlet. “You know what, don’t worry about it. Do what you feel is necessary.”
What he is choosing to do is in no way necessary, butgo right fucking ahead, John.
He nods once with an irritated jilt of his chin as if I’m the one causing the tension because it couldn’t possibly be that I still need to curl Suzy’s hair, iron Henry’s suit, pack extra snacks for the ceremony in case they get bored, and feed them lunch before we leave because the reception isn’t even set to begin until six and we have to be at the church at two for pictures. Not to mention, I myself need to get ready for my niece’s wedding.
There have been instances in the past when I would have expressed my irritation, rattling off a to-do list in hopes that John would automatically delegate some tasks to himself. Instead, he always stared at me doe-eyed like none of it was his problem while I continued to carry the mental load. It reached the point where it was much easier to assume he would take care of nothing. Worrying whether or not he’d like to contribute toour family practically turned out to be another item taking up headspace, and I no longer have the bandwidth for it.
Suzy pops into the bathroom as I finish my hair. “Mommy, can I wear makeup like you?”
I smile at her. “Maybe not like me, but a little, okay?”
