“Okay, here’s how this is going to work. You take the cupcakes,” I told Mark. “I’ll take you. Phoebe, come!”
“I really can walk on my own. I…”
“What if I said I wanted to help?”
Mark’s eyes searched mine, and I had no idea what he saw there, but he finally nodded slightly and set his hand on my shoulder so we could walk on together.
Holding Mark, feeling his hand against my bare neck and the sweet weight of him against me, was like something out of a dream. I had a crazy fear that I’d wake up in my bed, sad and alone.
When we got to the house, I led him inside the small space and set the cupcakes on the big dining table, wishing I’d thought to leave the wood stove burning for Mark’s sake.
I poked at the stove to stir up the flames, added more wood, then grabbed a towel and a blanket from the cupboard. Meanwhile, Phoebe rushed around, rubbing herself against Mark’s legs, then trotting over to the door and back again.
“Phoebe?” I pointed at her bed on the far side of the wood box, and she curled up obediently for once, probably tuckered out from her adventure.
Meanwhile, Mark stood in the center of the chilly room, his blue eyes wide as he took it all in: the worn leather sofa and the rag rugs on the hardwood floor, the stairs leading up to the loft bedroom, the open shelving in the kitchen, the doors that led to the tiny bathroom and the equally tiny guest room, and the steeply slanted roof that went all the way to the floor. I couldn’t help but look around the room, too, imagining it must seem cramped and rough to a stranger who hadn’t…
“God, it’s beautiful,” Mark croaked, and I remembered again that Markwasn’ta stranger. He was special and always had been. “Did your grandfather build this place himself?”
I nodded as I got to work undressing him, removing his coat and unlacing his shoes for him to toe off. “Back in the ’70s. There was an old granary not far from here that was being demolished, so he reclaimed all the lumber and used it for the floors and the ceiling. He made that dining table over there, too. And upstairs—” I nodded to the little staircase. “There are built-in bookcases. Take off your sweater, baby. The bottom half of it’s soaked through.”
He slid his sweater over his head carefully and dropped it to the floor with a softplop. He shivered, and goosebumps rose over the golden satin of his skin.
“Come over here, closer to the fire. Stand on the rug and let me dry you off, and then we’ll get some ice for your head.” I wrapped the quilt over his shoulders then knelt down to take off his wet socks and dry his feet carefully.
But when I reached for the waistband of his jeans, he laid his cold hand over my warm one, halting me.
“I hadn’t, um… I hadn’t planned to literally crash back into your life quite this way, Fran. I don’t know what you… I mean… M-maybe you have someone else. A boyfriend or…?”
“There’s no one else, Mark,” I whispered with finality. There never had been. There never would be.
“Oh.” Mark’s nostrils flared and his whole body swayed toward mine. “See, I had a whole thing planned. A speech. I was going to be all optimistic and just knock on the door and…” He swallowed like he was nervous.
“And?” I prompted softly. I trailed the backs of my fingers over the rough hair of his happy trail and prayed it was something like…
“And say ‘I’m sorry life’s treated you unkindly. Would you like some blueberry pancake cupcakes?’”
Oh dear God.
I sucked in a breath, staring up at those blue eyes that seemed to shine like starlight, chasing away the darkness.
“And thenyouwere gonna say…” Mark faltered.
I turned my hand over against his stomach so I could clasp his tightly. “What was I gonna say, baby?”
“I’m not entirely sure. That’s the flaw in my plan. I was a little bit afraid it would be, ‘Sorry, Mark. California was a long time ago. And you and I want different things. And you shouldn’t have come. And you should move away from O’Leary before the snow comes.’”
I blinked. “Move away? Do you… Are you… thinking of movingtoO’Leary?”
He nodded. Then he shook his head. “I’ve actually been staying here since Ash and Cal’s wedding. I was… I mean, Iam… thinking of… of leaving finally.”
My mind rejected that idea instantly and my fingers tightened around his.
“But then,” Mark continued. He bit his lip. “I was evenmoreworried that you’d let me in and offer me a coffee, and we’d eat cupcakes, and you’d be every bit as wonderful and beautiful and kind as you were back in California.”
In my entire life, I wasn’t sure anyone had ever described me as wonderful or beautiful or kind, let alone all three. I was absolutely confident no one had ever looked at me the way he was right then looking at me, like I had personally hung the stars.
I pushed to my feet right in front of him so there was no space between us, and wrapped my free hand around him to splay against his naked back. “Why would that be worse?”
“Because then I’d fall for you all over again,” he whispered, “and I’dneverwant to leave. And it would kill me if things didn’t work out between us. That’s… that’s mostly why it’s taken me six months to drive up here.” He shook his head. “Holy shit, I can’t believe I just said that out loud. Can we pretend I hit my head a little harder than I did?”
Something twisted in my chest. The ice around my heart melted away entirely, and I pressed my forehead to Mark’s.
“Don’t ask me yet, then,” I said softly. “Don’t ask me until you know you can trust the answer.”
Lightning wasn’t supposed to strike twice. Everyone knew that. But somehow, Mark had come back to me, like a gift I’d never thought to ask for from the Universe. And now I was going to hold on to him, every bit of him, for as long as I could…
Forever, if he’d let me.
