Hard enough that I’d be able to walk on our beach, or look up at our sky at night, or have his stupid songs come on the radio, without feeling shitty and bereft, like I’d lost a part of myself I’d never recover.
Hard enough that he’d have known to stay away from the Key permanently.
“It’s not a petty squabble,” I told my dad for maybe the fiftieth time since he’d announced this concert in the spring. “I just don’t like him. I don’t trust him. When he started getting famous, he stopped giving a shit about anyone on the Key—including his own sister for a while there. He didn’t even make it to our wedding.” Small as it had been. And I’d really, really needed him there. “What makes you think he’ll actually show up for this?”
“Because Jayd gave me his word he’d be here—”
I snorted. His word? Likethatmeant anything.
“—and even though he’s dealing with his own personal tragedies right now—”
“Personal tragedies? He got caught at a gay bar by the paparazzi and had a couple embarrassing pictures printed,” I scoffed. “Don’t make it sound like his family went down on theTitanic.”
“Hey,” Toby objected softly, a little frown between his eyebrows and his customary smile missing from his face. “Itwaskind of a big deal, you know.”
My gut twisted guiltily. Toby was right. The media frenzy that followed the paparazzi pictures had upended Toby’s life and caused problems with his job, too, when all he’d done was stand in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thatwasa big deal.
For him.
But for Jay?
“Jay wanted to be famous,” I reminded him. “This is the price he’s gotta pay.”
“The price of having entire Instagram accounts devoted to posting every fan selfie he ever took so the public can speculate on his sexuality? Of becoming a gay icon to people on Twitter before he’s even confirmed or denied the rumors? Rafe, precious…” Toby shook his head disapprovingly. “You came out as bisexual when you were a teenager, right? On your own terms? Those hellbeast paparazzi took something from Jayd that he can’t get back.”
I ground my teeth together against the logic of those words.
“As I was saying… Even though he’s dealing with these tragedies,” my dad repeated, his dark eyes daring me to interrupt again, “he’s still making beautiful music. He’s a hero.”
“And that ‘Pretty Girl’ song of his! Get dust in my eye every time it comes on the radio,” Littlejohn interjected, sniffling a little.
“I heard he wrote it about Olivia Merry, that actress from theScarlet and the Moonmovies. They dated last year,” Maddie said with a happy sigh. Then she frowned. “Wait, do you think they’re still together? I haven’t seen any pictures of them since the tabloid story came out!Omigod, how awful would it be to have to keep playing a love song you wrote for someone you weren’t with anymore? Jayd’s, like, so brave.” She clapped a hand to her chest and sniffled slightly.
Ugh.Gross.
“I have the utmost confidence that Jayd will not let us down,” my dad concluded.
“If you’re so confident of that, why’d you send your youngest son like a sacrificial lamb to go and collect him from Colorado?” I folded my arms over my chest.
“I didn’t sacrifice Gage, he volunteered. Your brother knows how important this concert is, and he’s always had a li’l case of hero worship for our Jayd, too,” Dad said fondly. He tilted his head and stared at me. “Plus, unlikesomepeople, Gage can fly in an airplane without throwing a hissy fit, which is why I didn’t consider sendingyou.”
“Not to mention only one of ’em woulda made it home,” Dale Jennings grumbled to no one in particular.
Accurate.
“Hey!” I jabbed an accusatory finger down the table at my father. “You know exactly why I’m afraid of flying! It’s a verylogicalfear, okay? That therapist I used to see said I’d get over it in my own time.”
Actually, she’d said she couldn’t help me get over my fear until I reallywantedto get over my fear. Same difference, really.
I took a deep breath and tried to get myself back under control. “Ms. Lorenna, Ms. Jonquil, I’m gonna think on these ideas some more and come to a decision in a day or so. Thank you both for your hard work.”
Jonquil preened under the praise, but Lorenna pursed her lips. “Just to say, you might want to put a deposit on the giant phallus. Dicks that big go quick, and we don’t have time to mess around.”
I nodded solemnly. “I’ll take that under advisement. In the meantime, just in case our guest of honor doesn’t show, I took that wish list of fill-in acts you guys came up with last meeting”—I took a worn sheet of notebook paper from my pocket and slapped it on the table—“and made some phone calls to book a backup—”
“He’sgoingto show,” Dad insisted.
“Sure he will. Where’d you say Jay and Gage were the last time Gage called?” I asked.
