“Wow. I, uh… I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here.” Rafe rubbed a hand over his jaw. “On the one hand, unsolicited. But on the other… free boobs.”
I snorted. “Yeah, well, in case you haven’t figured it out, I have about as much interest in seeing boobs as you do in, I dunno, listening to accordion music, so—”
“Someone’s gonna be shocked when I break out my Weird Al polka collection.”
I snorted again. “Okay, you’re right, bold of me to assume. But even if I were into girls, I didn’tknowany of them, you know? They’d never met me. And it wasn’t like they felt some connection to my music either, because I wasn’t getting any radio play then.” I shook my head. “It had nothing to do with me. Not really.”
Shut up, Jay. You sound like the whiniest whiner.
Rafe grunted. “That is pretty shitty,” he allowed. “So you had your people change your number?”
“My people,” I repeated wryly. “Like the entourage you think sits around making me happy all day, maybe picking out all the green M&Ms from my candy dish before I throw a hissy fit? No. I was on my dad’s phone plan at the time, and my dad laughed his ass off that I was gettingfree boobs.” I shot Rafe a sideways glance, and he grunted. “So I got myself a new number. Then I had to do it again two weeks ago, after the… you know.”
“The paparazzi pictures.”
I nodded. “Because I don’t want unsolicited dick pics either.” I shot Rafe a quick text of a van emoji. “There. Now you’re one of, like, four people who has my newest phone number.”
Rafe glanced down at the text, and a smile twitched at the corner of his lips, which made my stomach tighten pleasantly. Making Rafe smile had always felt like such a huge accomplishment.
He gave me another sideways look. “I’m honored.”
“As you should be. Only the best for my kidnap victims.” I grinned.
Oh, damn. Was I flirting with him?Seeeeriously, Jay, shut up.
Rafe pulled open the glass door to the diner, and the smells of bacon and coffee made my stomach grumble.
A thirty-something blonde in an old-fashioned pink waitress dress and apron bustled over. “Mornin’, y’all. Nice to see you. Welcome to Tommie’s.”
I smiled politely and ducked my head to hide under the brim of my hat… only to realize I’d left my damn hat in the damn van.
This day was going to shit already.
I panicked a little, dipping my chin to my chest and lifting a hand to my forehead like I was part vampire and the overhead lights were suddenly too bright.
“We need a table!” I hissed in an accidental but weirdly accurate Gollum voice.
“Ha!” Rafe clapped me on the shoulder and squeezed.Hard. “Don’t mind this guy, Shelly. He doesn’t get out much. He’s gotten all flustered, talking to someone as pretty as you.”
“Aww!” Shelly pressed a hand to her large, squishy bosom. “Well, aren’t you sweet?”
“Me? Oh, no, I—” Rafe began modestly.
“Taking all the responsibility for your friend on your big,broadshoulders.” She paused for so long, I actually lifted my head and caught her biting her lip as she ogled the aforementioned shoulders… and the rest of Rafe.
“Uh, thetable?” I prodded, still not making eye contact.
“Hmm? Oh, sure. Right this way.” She grabbed a couple of plastic menus from a holder and led us toward the back.
“You could have mentioned that I didn’t have my hat on before we got in here,” I hissed at Rafe as we followed her.
“I thought you hadn’t worn it on purpose! There’s no one here but us.”
“AndShelly.”
He scowled. “Jay Don, I know you’re a super big deal in your own mind, but Shelly didn’t recognize you, and she wouldn’t have given you a second thought if you hadn’t acted like your mug shot had just appeared onAmerica’s Most Wanted. Jeez.”
Hmph. I wanted to snap back that the tabloids staging pictures were not just in my mind… but he seemed right about Shelly, dang it, so I settled for, “That show hasn’t been on the air inyears.”
