I just hadn’t realized it until now.
My eyes darted to Dare’s face a little desperately, but he stood up without looking at me and practically pushed Mark by the shoulders into his empty seat.
“I’llget you a coffee, Mark,” he said, patting Mark on the back and winking in my direction without looking directly at me. “You shouldn’t waste time waiting in line! I’m sure Moira knows what you like. And you can sit here with my very best friend Brian and relax for a few minutes.Brianis a very chill person.”
Then the asshole I was in love with shot me a warning look before he turned and walked off.
Seriously, love or no love, I was gonnakillhim.
Was there a cool name for friend-icide? For love-icide? Note to self: Google that for the memoir.
“So. How are you?” Mark shifted uncomfortably in his seat and rubbed at his shoulder like Dare had possibly squeezed him too hard.
“As good as can be.” Given that I was plotting the murder of the man I loved, who also happened to be pimping me out to the guy across from me.
I gave Mark a tight smile, then I rested my elbows on the table and leaned around Mark to stare at Dare’s broad back as he stood at the counter chatting with Moira. The breadth of his shoulders was highlighted by the stretch of the dark blue material, and it wasinsanethat I’d only now noticed it, that this was the first time it had ever consciously made my heart beat faster.
But then again… maybe it wasn’t. Maybe all this time, I’d gotten it wrong. I’d expected love to be a belly swoop, when really it was calm assurance. I’d expected anxious anticipation, when really it was soul-deep joy. I’d hoped Icouldmatter to someone, when love was actually the brightly burning knowledge that I alreadydid.
And as soon as I thought this, I recognized the truth of it down to my bones.
I felt like Dare was a 3-D puzzle I’d stared at every day for decades and decades, enjoying the blur of colors and the vague impression of shapes… and now, all of a sudden, my perspective had shifted and a fully articulated image popped out at me. Once I’d seen it, I couldn’tunseeit.
Dare Turner was the hottest, kindest, hardest-working, and most lovable man in O’Leary. Fuck,anywhere.
“So, your friend. He seems really… nice?”
“Yeah.” I cut my eyes to Mark. “He is. Very nice. And gorgeous. And reassuring. And supportive. He’s been my best friend since we were kids.”
“Oh? That’s—”
And then, because I was me, and also because I no longer gave a shit what Mark Whats-his-face thought of me, I leaned over the table toward him like I was imparting an important secret. “And I’m fairly certain I’ve been in love with him for decades.”
Mark blinked rapidly. Which, you know, was a fair reaction, considering I’d been contemplating making babies withhimlast Saturday, though thankfully Mark didn’t know the full extent of that.
“Decades.” Mark glanced down at my hand, which was clenched around a handful of muffin dust like I’d been trying unsuccessfully to extract the juice from it.Oops.“Have you really?”
Figured now that I’d said something fairly remarkable, Mark didn’t give me his surprised “Oh” at all.
“Pretty sure.” I worried my lip as I brushed the crumbs off my hand with a napkin. “I mean, I think I only realized it two minutes ago. Or possibly two days ago when he kissed me.” It would explain a lot of the nausea over the past couple days, since I hadn’t fully trusted Web MD’s diagnosis of pregnancy.
Mark turned around to glance at Dare, who was steadfastly not looking at us. “He kissed you! Well, damn.”
“Doesn’t matter how long since I realized it though, does it? Gravity was gravity long before Einstein discovered it. I think it’s kinda like that.”
“Isaac Newton discovered gravity,” Mark corrected gently.
I’d beensoright in thinking having a genius around would get annoying.
“But yeah”—Mark smiled grimly and redeemed himself in my eyes—“gravityisalways gravity. Even if you don’t have a name for it. It keeps you grounded. It pulls you into orbit and won’t let you pull away. Gravity doesn’t have toknowit’s fucking gravity to still very much be fuckinggravity.”
“Ah. You know this from personal experience,” I said, feeling a sort of kinship with Mark that I hadn’t anticipated and wondering if maybe Icouldbe friends with the guy.
Did that mean Dare had been right? Damn it.
“Yep,” Mark agreed. He tilted his head. “Exceptmygravity never kissed me and never will. So. Distinct difference there.”
I laughed sadly and scrubbed at my face with my hands. “Yeah, well, Dare and I… it wasn’t a real kiss. It was a…an experimental kiss.”
