The simple truth of those words made my chest go tight. I wanted to ask him if he’d ever thought to considerwhythat was and whether it meant we could be more than friends…
But then he kept fucking talking.
“It’s different with someone I don’t know, you know? It’s all… stomach flutters, and heart squeezes, and brain short-circuits.” He waved spirit-fingers in the general vicinity of his chest. “There’s the potential formore.”
The potential for more.
Perfect strangers had it.
I didn’t.
I sucked in a breath, my hands clenched into fists, and for just a second—just onecrucialsecond—I was angry and hurt enough that I didn’t care about anything else.
“Yeah? And why’s that, Brian?” I jumped down off the picnic bench and whirled to face him. “What’s the difference? What’s so great aboutMark,besides his supposedly intelligent blue eyes, if he’sharderto talk to than the guy who’s just your friend?”
Brian blinked, probably at my abrupt change in tone. “I… I dunno, exactly.” His forehead creased. “I just… I looked at him and I felt thattug. That flutter. I got this idea that maybe this could be my happily ever after. You and me… we’re friends. B-best friends. You don’t…Wedon’t…” He was all red-faced and stammering, and I should have felt shitty, but I was still too annoyed. “That’s not who we are.”
“Right. So you’re telling me what you learned from watchingMarried at First Sightwas that insta-love is theonlykind of love? It can’t grow over time?”
“What? No!” He shook his head passionately. “That’s not—”
“You think theonlyway you’re ever gonna find your Prince Charming is if you spot him on the street and somemagicalfeeling in your gut tells you that he’s your one and only?”
“I didn’t say—”
“Because that’sbullshit, Brian.” I threw my hand out to one side. “That’s a lie you tell yourself so you don’t have to think too hard about what you’re putting into relationships and what you’re getting out of them. Isn’t it circular logic to say the guy is the prince because he treats you perfectly, and he must be treating you perfectly because he’s the prince? Meanwhile,youdon’t speak up and tell him what you want ordemandwhat you deserve from him.”
Andno,that was not the same way I behaved with Brian.
I was ninety-eight percent sure.
Or maybe it was totally the same, and I was a hypocrite as well as an idiot.Damn it.
“Andyouknow how it works because you’ve dated so many guys recently, Darius? A grand total of… hmmm.Zero?”
Direct hit.
“Yeah, well, I’ve been a little busy—”loving you. Ugh. I threw my head back and watched the light filter through the tree canopy. “Never mind.”
“Too busy with work and taking care of me,” Brian said, crumpling in on himself dejectedly. “I know. And that’s why you’re so into helping me succeed with Mark, isn’t it? My inability to deal with guys is doing tragic things toyourlove life too.” He blew out a breath and nodded once, determined. “You’re right. It needs to stop.”
This wassonot the direction I wanted this conversation to be going. “Hey, I make my own choices, Brian.” Which was true, in as much as anything about loving him was a choice. “We were talking aboutyou, remember?” I pasted on a half-smile. “Now. Where were we?”
Brian’s lips twisted. “You were helping me figure out how to becasualand get to know Mark by yelling at me.”
“I wasn’t—Okay, I wasmaybeyelling. I just… feel passionate about this, I guess. Look, you and I are friends, right?”
“Is this a trick question?” Brian folded his arms over his chest. “Yes, we’re friends,” he said grudgingly when I stared at him. “Best friends. Even when you get annoyed at me for no apparent reason.”
I snorted and shook my head. “You can be comfortable around me because you know me and I know you.”
“That’s what I said,” Brian agreed, looking at me like I had three heads. “Even though you’re being weird as fuck.”
“So what you need to do… is make Mark your friend first.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t try to make him fall in love with you in the first minute, Brian. That’s your problem. Pretend you’re interviewing him as a potential friend. And once he knows you, he won’t be able to help falling in love with you.” I knew this firsthand.
