Ev shook his head. “You and Parker, man. I have never seen two guys who needed tolove somethingas much as you guys do. A bar, a plant, a house full of memories. Too bad you couldn’t just figure out how to love each other, huh?”
I turned Everett around by the shoulder and shoved him gently into the hall, then closed the bedroom door behind me.
Ev turned around once he’d reached the hall and set his hands on his hips. “What happened with Parker, Jamie?”
I rolled my shoulder again and contemplated how much to say, but… fuck it. What the hell did I have to lose anymore?
“We had a fight. Brian came over this morning—”
“Jesus.Brian? He’s like a bad penny.” Ev’s voice promised retribution.
“Yeah, well, think twice before you say shit, because apparently he and Parker are best friends all of a sudden.” I grimaced. “I got to stand in the living room for ten minutes while they tag-teamed me about how I can’t communicate and don’t like to risk anything in relationships, when I bother to admit that relationships even exist.”
Ev winced. “Ouch?”
“Yeah. Shit was falling down around my earsbeforeI ever got the bright idea to attack the kitchen.”
“And what, um, prompted that little conversation?” Ev asked.
I sighed. “Honestly? I hardly even know. Everything wasfine. Better than fine. And then suddenly we were talking about how I was upset when Parker left—I mean, thelasttime Parker left. For college.”
Ev nodded.
“And how I didn’t have any right to be upset, since it was my own fault. And how I was an asshole to him when he came back and gave him shit for months—which Iwas, and Idid, and I’d already apologized for it. And then that somehow became Parker demanding that I tell him to stay in O’Leary. As in, permanently.” I laughed hollowly. “And obviously, I wasn’t gonna dothat.”
“Obviously,” Ev echoed, frowning.
“And then he left, and I decided to sublimate my feelings of hurt and frustration into kitchen demolition because Istilldon’t know how to communicate. Shit, where’d you leave that pizza?” I headed for the kitchen. “I’m suddenly ravenous.”
“Um. Wait,” Ev said, following behind me. “Whydidn’t you tell him you wanted him to stay when he asked you to? When you clearlywantedhim to?”
I took the pizza down from the top of the fridge and held the open box in my hand like a giant plate as I took a slice. “Come on, Ev.” I took a bite of cheesy goodness and didn’t even care that it was burning the roof of my mouth. “What would he want to stay here for?”
Ev ran a hand over his forehead. “Oh, my God. I’m so confused.”
“Yep. Well, join the club.” I stuffed most of the rest of the slice in my mouth and put the box back on top of the fridge. “Listen,” I said around the pizza. “Nice of you to come by but I kinda wanna finish this tonight, so…”
“Stop! Stop right there!” Ev set his hands on his hips again and gave me a narrow-eyed glare. “Find me furniture, or I’m dragging you out to my car, but we aregoingto sit down, and we aregoingto talk about this. Right now.”
“I’d rather not.”
“And I’d rather be naked on a beach while my boyfriend feeds me tropical fruit. But hereIam.” We stood staring at each other for half a minute before he added, “And I brought you pizza.”
I sighed and ran a hand through my damp hair.
“The faster you tell me, the faster I’ll get gone,” he prompted.
“Fine.Fine. We can sit on the floor in the living room,” I agreed grudgingly.
Ev sat in the center of the floor with his legs drawn up like a pretzel and watched me expectantly. But when I sat down, I couldn’t help but slide my hand over the smooth wood and remember how Parker had cursed and laughed while we refinished it last month, and I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say.
When I’d broken up with Brian, it had felt like things were realigning the right way. I’d felt kinda weightless and free.
Parker left, and not a damn thing seemed right. Pizza tasted like cardboard. Soda didn’t soothe the ache in my throat. I didn’t want to be in the rooms Parker and I had redecorated, and I couldn’t stand the sight of the rooms we hadn’t worked on yet. Everything was too quiet. Even my clothes felt uncomfortable against my skin. And I couldn’t settle to anything. I felt… rudderless.
“So.” I said, once it became clear that Ev was waiting for me to speak. “I think my problems began when I was a tiny embryo, doctor.”
Ev smiled. “Same, honestly. Then I turned into a scrawny, sensitive, artistic little kid with big eyes. Got picked on constantly.”
