“You told me—”
“I know! I know, Parker. I told you to go. But I didn’t totally expect that youwould. Like, it was just that easy. Like you’d already had one foot out the door and were just waiting for a push.” He shook his head. “I expected you to protest. I expected that you’d come back at some point, after the first year, and… you didn’t.”
“Why the hell would I?” I demanded. “Why would I come back when there was nothing here for me but my parents, who saw me plenty whenever they came to Boston for holidays, and when every fucking second in this town would remind me that you and I weren’t together?”
Jamie blinked.
“And why,” I demanded, “didn’t you fucking call me? Why didn’t you email? Or send a… a… what do you call those things with the Morse code?”
“Telegram,” my new best friend Brian supplied. “Yeah. Come on, Jamie. You could even have sent a gorilla-gram.”
I swung my gaze to Brian, who shrugged. “I once dressed up like a gorilla to ask Jamie to move in with me,” he explained. “It was mildly mortifying and not at all effective. Do not recommend.”
Oh.Shit. I had heard this story a couple months back from Julian Ross, and at the time, I’d laughed my ass off imagining Jamie, who’d always hated public displays, being accosted by this guy in a gorilla suit professing his love. Now, though, it seemed really sweet, if somewhat misguided.
“That soundslovely,” I told Brian. “Except Jamie hates PDA and doesn’t like O’Leary knowing his business.Apparently, he doesn’t like the guys he’s dating knowing his business either. We’re supposed toguess.”
Jamie rolled his eyes and huffed. “Why would I have called you when you were clearly doing well in Boston, Parker? I figured if you needed me or… orwantedme, you would’ve gotten in touch.”
“Afteryoubroke up withme,” I clarified. “After you called me weak and told me you were tired of my shit, you thought I should just call you. To, what? Take your temperature? See if you’d beenjokingortesting mewhen you broke up with me, and actually wanted to get back together? That’s the stupidest—” I glanced at Brian. “Uh.”
Brian waved a hand. “No, you’re right. Itisstupid. Learnedthatlesson.” He glared at Jamie now too.
“You claim you broke up with me because you were being all noble and concerned about my needs.” I took a step closer to Jamie and his gaze grew wary. “Fuck that.If you were concerned aboutmyneeds, you wouldn’t have said the shit you said.”I shook my head. “This was aboutyounot wanting to do the work of being in a relationship. Wasn’t it? Do you even consider us in a relationshipnow?”
Jamie’s mouth opened and closed, but he didn’t answer.
“Preach, sister,” Brian said. “The man has no concept of how to communicate.”
“You told me you loved me, Jameson, but you didn’t love me enough to keep me. And even now? You wanna be friends with benefits so we can fuck and flirt and bein love, but you still don’t have to risk anything. It’s easy, isn’t it, to just drift along? To never make a decision, or clean out a room, or go after something you want?”
“It isnoteasy!” Jamie’s eyes were all-the-way dark, and the pain I read there almost made me want to back down, to pause and reconsider.
Almost.
Because I was hurting too. And it sucked.
“If you love me, Jamie—”
“You know I do,” he shot back. Brian gasped. “But what does it matter when you’releaving?When everything you want is out there waiting for you?” He waved a hand in the direction of everything that wasn’t O’Leary.
“If you love me,” I repeated, “then tell me not to leave. Tell me to stay.”
Jamie stared at me and his throat worked, like the words were stuck there.
“Just fuckingsayit,” I demanded, andof coursethere were tears in my eyes becauseof courseI had to make a mess of myself in front of Jamie. “Three words. Stay. Here. Parker. That’s it. I’m waiting.”
“Uh, Parker—” Brian started, but I made a cutting motion with my hand. This was between me and Jamie, and I needed him to say the damn words.
To tell me that the fucking pipe dream I’d been deluding myself into believing wasreal.
To tell me that we were gonna be together this time.
That he’d fight for me.
That I wasn’t gonna end up getting hurt again.
But Jamie said nothing. Not a single word.
