The thing of it was, I couldn’t really argue. Thiswasa terrible idea. The kind of thing a smart man would only agree to when he was drunk off his ass so he could blame Jose Cuervo in the morning. But Jamie wasright there, standing closer to me than he’d been in forever, and I wanted him—fuck, Iyearnedfor him—not because we were polite strangers but because Iknewhim. Under all the anger, under all the tiny cuts and mortal wounds we’d dealt each other, he was still my Jamie. Touching my lucky blanket, taking care of the things that mattered to me simply because they mattered to me. He knew me better than anyone else ever would. And this was maybe my last chance to be with him. Ever.
You didn’t get anything in life by being wishy-washy, right?
“You’re definitely not with Brian anymore,” I said. “It’s definitely over.”
It was a statement not a question, but Jamie shook his head anyway.
“It never really began. But Parker…”
“Do you know,” I said conversationally, while taking another tiny step toward him, “that it took me two years before I could kiss another guy without feeling like I was cheating on you? Two years. And even then… hell, evennow… I can’t stop comparing.”
Jamie inhaled sharply and his nostrils flared just like they had out on the road earlier. He said nothing, but his eyes tracked my movement.
“You remember the first time we kissed? Down in your basement? I’d been hanging out with you in the diner after school when you finished your shift. And someone asked who I was taking to Homecoming—”
“Gracie,” Jamie all but growled.
“Right.” I smiled, just a tiny bit, remembering. “That’s right. And I said I wasn’t sure.” I moved a step closer. Jamie didn’t budge.
“You blushed ten shades of red.”
“Probably,” I agreed.
“Definitely.”
“And when we walked back here afterward. You wouldn’t say a word to me. I didn’t know if you were mad at me, or if you were thinking about Molly…”
“Both,” he snapped. “Both.”
“But when we walked in the back door, you pushed me up against the basement wall and you said…” I paused. “You said you were tired of waiting.”
Our chests were nearly touching and I had to tilt my neck back to look at him. His eyes were brown and so damn deep that my stomach hitched in trepidation. You could get lost in darkness like that and never find your way back out again.
In the epic fight before I left, Jamie had implied that I was too weak. Too passive. Well, fuck that. I wasn’t being passive now.
“My sister had only died a couple weeks before,” Jamie whispered. “I’d wanted to kiss you for months. Years, maybe. And I’d finally figured out that life was short and unpredictable.” His eyes looked lost.
“It’s still short. And still really fucking unpredictable.”
Jamie closed his eyes and inhaled. “But we’re not kids anymore.”
“I’m well aware of that. All the more reason why—”
“Actions haveconsequences,Parker.”
I shook my head, just once. “I’m aware of that.” I narrowed my eyes and took a step back so I could see him better. “Is this part two of the lecture you started out on the Camden Road?”
Jamie swallowed and said nothing.
“Oh my God, itis. Jesus Christ, Jameson!” I spread my arms, then let them flop uselessly to my sides. “What thehellmakes you thinkIneed a lecture about this? Hmm?Me, of all people?”
“I’m just reminding you, remindingboth of us, that—”
“That actions have consequences?No shit, son! I have spent the last fuckingyeardoing nothing but dealing with consequences. The last fuckingeleven years and five months. And every time I think I have gotten to the end, that the last domino has fallen, that there are no more fuckingshoeswaiting to fall on my head, life sayshold my beer.”
“Parker, I didn’t mean—”
“Oh, no.No. Don’t you dare backtrack,” I fumed. “You said exactly what you meant, and I know because you said it earlier today, and you’ve been fucking saying it ever since we first set eyes on each other again last spring. You’ve treated me like shit for months and I haven’t deservedanyof it. And guess what, buddy? If actions have consequences, then this is yours. You can just stand right fuckingthereand listen to me for once.”
