“It doesn’t matter,” I repeated, praying it would sink into my brain if I just said it often enough.
“Sometimes things that shouldn’t matter seem to matter a whole heck of a lot,” Dana said sagely. “You two need an intervention.”
I chuckled at that, genuinely amused. “Look, please don’t play Dr. Phil with us, okay? I’m not gonna attempt to move in with Jamie and hope things work themselves out. I’m happy to enjoy the Crabapple’s hospitality for as long as the investigation takes.”Please, God, let that not be long.
Dana grimaced and made a strangled little noise.
“What?” I demanded.
“Parker.Ugh.” She rubbed her palms together nervously.
“Are you okay?” I demanded. “Because if this is about me and Jamie, I am really done with the subject, and I should try to get to sleep before—”
“We’re booked up,” she blurted.
“Uh.” I stared at her blankly. “Come again?”
“The Crabapple,” she explained, knitting her fingers together. “We’re full. Starting this weekend.”
“But… but…” I shook my head. That was impossible. “When I rented this room, you said I could stay until I found somewhere else.”
“I know,” she said miserably. “I just… didn’t think it’d take this long. You said it’d be a week. Ten days at most.”
“That was before the insurance company—”
“Iknow,” she said again. She sucked on one side of her lip, then the other. “But what can I do? We’ve got overflow for a couple weddings at the Scarlet Maple, and if we can’t take them, they’ll stop sending business our way and our occupancy is gonna plummet! It wasn’t my decision. Or, not entirely. I don’t own the place. I just manage it.”
“But you’re kickingmeout? Not Tricky Ricky and his bride, who’re waking up the whole damn zoo?” I pointed at the wall again. Then my mouth dropped open as I realized, “And notDennis Rodman, the insurance dude? You know, he turned up his nose at the French toast this morning,” I informed her. “Youreallywant that kind of negativity here at the Crabapple?”
“They both made their reservations before you did, Parks! It’s not personal. Last reservation made is the first to get bumped if… you know… there’s a problem.” She swallowed, then whispered, “Which there is.”
I sat down again and squeezed my thighs hard, trying to ground myself. Or wake myself from the nightmare. Either one.
“If I can find a place for the weekend, maybe next week I could—” I began, but Dana shook her head.
“We’re booked solid Thursdays through Mondays for amonth.”
“Even the insurance guy’s room?” I demanded, wide-eyed. “For amonth?”
Dana nodded sadly, and my dreams of a quick resolution evaporated.
Still, I took a deep breath and attempted to pull my shit together when I saw the devastated expression on Dana’s face. “Hey, it’s not your fault,” I told her. “I get it! It’s not a problem. More like an, um… inconvenience, you know? I’ll figure something out.”
“Look, if you need a place to stay for a few nights while you’refiguring, you can come bunk with Rena and me! We’ve got a pull-out in the den!”
“Oh. Uh. That’s sweet, Dana, but—”
“It’ll be great! They’re predicting a big whopper of a storm this weekend, and it’s real pretty out at the farm in the snow! Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve let a friend stay over. My Rena loves guests.” Her eyes got all sappy and fond the second she mentioned her wife, which was really cute considering Rena was a pint-sized, gray-haired misanthrope who lived to shock O’Learians—basically the anti-Dana.
Then Dana had to go and ruin it by continuing, “Rena nearlyalwaysremembers to wear a robe around the house when we have people staying over. And with my work schedule, we’re pretty committed to nooners instead of nighttime hanky panky, so you wouldn’t even lose sleep if we got loud, which means it’ll be evenbetterthan your room here, since the folks next door will be staying for another week and a half! Plus, I can tell you from experience that our couch isverywell sprung and comfy.” She winked.
Okay, correction. I’d thought hearing Ricky and company have sex was bad, and listening to Cal and Ash fucking would be worse, butnothingtouched the pure horror that the idea of being stuck in Rena and Dana’s farmhouse while they had nooners in a snowstorm inspired.
I really didn’t want to know how Dana had tested the springs on their sofa.
I took another breath and let it out slowly, absorbing this latest blow. The score currently stood at Parker, 0; Universe, 920,394,203, and here I was, standing around like a dumbass, begging for a sign.What’s coming next? I need to plan for it!
How many times did I need to be whacked by the universe’s fuckery stick before I got the message that it was time to leave town?
